Hunted
by Amy90
Summary: Lily's got some secrets in her past, too, when she ends up in the middle of a mysterious "case" together with Sam & Dean. Rated M just in case. D/OFC/S - maybe, not sure yet, please review & tell me what u think about it...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but myself - Lily.**

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I know this is going to sound crazy and you probably won't believe a word of it. But to be honest, I simply don't care about whether you believe me or not. I'm just telling what happened, and if you don't believe me, it's your loss. Or maybe it's even better for you if you don't believe me. Because it might be difficult to go on doing what you do if you did. Believe me, I mean.

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I'll start with the beginning, and most of it will be told quickly, since there's not much to tell.

The main thing I remember about my childhood is running away and hiding. For some time I didn't figure out what exactly I was running from – so for some years I was just running and moving through Europe. I tried to settle down a few times – I was caught several times by the authorities and put into children's homes or even into the care of foster families. They were nice – at least some of them. But one day I felt that "it" got on my tail again and I had to start running again.

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My big luck was that I was a fast learner - at least in the language department. I grew up in Germany, but since my mother was a Frenchwoman and my father travelled a lot around the world doing business here and there, I learned French and English very early. I was able to write and read German, English and French quite fluently at the age of eight and I still think this is what saved me from not learning anything at all. Because when I was ten, I had to leave everything behind - and naturally I also stopped going to school on a regular basis.

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When I was caught by the authorities the first time, it was the beginning of the winter in Switzerland. They put me into a children's home – which saved me from starving and freezing to death. Unfortunaltely I felt "it" behind me before the winter was over. It was my first winter outside of shelter and it was very cold in this part of Europe. I stayed close to towns when I could and stole what I needed – food, clothes, money. When the wheather was ok, I slept in barns, when I couldn't find a barn, I crept into a hay roll in a field or climbed on a deer stand that had a roof. If the wheather was not ok, I hid in the community library or in the church and let them lock me in for the night. Sometimes I got caught – then I got a bed for night and a warm meal for dinner which was kind of nice.

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If there was something that I learned during these years of running and hiding, it was how to disappear from a place completely and without a trace. Well, and how to sneak into all kinds libraries and museums – or break into internet cafes at night – to get the information I needed and to do the research I wanted to do. I kept away from the other homeless populating the cities of Europe – and they kept their distance from me, as if somehow they felt that something evil was following me.

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One day, when I was at Calais - partly out of boredom, partly out of curiosity - I stowed away on board one of these a ferries to Dover. From there I travelled to Oxford and Cambridge – I couldn't resist it: There seemed to be so much knowledge to gather and so many libraries to visit!

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When "it" came after me again, I made a run to Scotland, but there I felt like I was trapped. I got to the States from there, but this is another story – let's say there wasn't much involved that could have been called legally acceptable and so I'm not going to tell it here. And it was my luck that I decided to travel before they toughened up the entry requirements.

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So, that's my life in a nutshell – I'm still on the run, so much hasn't changed. But this time I don't fear European demons anymore – for a demon was what killed my entire family and burned up my home. I guess the fiend lost my trail when I stepped on that plane in London – at least I haven't felt him behind me since.

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If I had known that there were hunters, I probably would have become one myself. But I was too focussed on running, hiding and trying to understand (which I had done for the last years), that the idea to turn the tables and start hunting and killing what was hunting and trying to kill me didn't even cross my mind.

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Nevertheless I felt free like never before in my life. I was seventeen years old, owned an old beaten-up korean car, a bag stuffed with wigs, make-up and all kinds of charms and mojos and a fake passport and driver's licence saying I was twenty one. And the demon had lost my trail...

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I felt totally relaxed that night when I parked my car on a parking lot near a small town in the Midwest. When I entered the bar next to it I heard sounds of some old rocks songs. There was a band playing in a corner – and it seemed to be the only event in this small town since the bar was almost a little bit crowded. All seats at the bar were taken and there were only a few chairs left at the tables in the corners.

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At one table two guys in their midtwenties were sitting, one with dark blond hair and a short haircut and one with shaggy brown hair that seemed a bit too long. They were deep in conversation and the brown haired guy was even typing something on a laptop, so I considered it safe to take a seat next to them. I mean, you never know with guys in bars. But these two looked ok to me.

Since I was wearing one of my more conservative wigs – a light blond one with a banana chignon - I looked a bit older than I really was. Old enough to drink, I hoped, as I ordered a beer at the bar. The barkeeper eyed me suspiciously, but handed over the beer. "Want to see an id?", I asked, but he just dismissed me with a wave of his hand. "No offence, lady."

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"Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?" I asked. "All the other seats are taken." The man with the laptop looked up surprised. He had the most stunning brown eyes I had ever seen. Did it just seem to me, or did we both hold our breath for a moment and stared at each other when our eyes met? Suddenly my face burned. "Sure, sit down", the man said after what seemed to be an eternity of staring at my face. The other guy whistled and smiled broadly – which earned him an elbow in his ribs from his friend.

"Ouch!" –

"You've got a funny accent. Where do you come from?" The intriguing one said.

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"Southern Germany", I answered. I didn't really expect him to know where to find this on a map. But instead of just nodding and pretending that he knew his geography, the guy asked, "Bavaria?" Well, that definitely surprised me.

"Impressive", I grinned. "You seem even to have an idea where this is. Most people here don't." His friend for example. He looked at least as surprised as I felt. "Since you passed the geography test - I'm Lily." I said and smiled at him.

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"Sam", he said. "And this is my brother Dean", he nodded at the other man who appeared not to be interested in the conversation at all. But from the way Dean kept glancing at me when he thought I didn't realize it, I knew that he only pretended to be bored. Truly, he was observing me intently while drinking his beer. I decided to be more careful and keep an eye on Dean while I chatted with Sam.

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Since these guys seemed way too different from the typical hangaround type you find in bars – I mean, who works on his laptop in a bar?- I stayed alert and kept the conversation light.

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- Why I was here? I was doing a road trip through the US – a gift from my rich aunt after my graduation this spring.

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- Why my English was so good? Well, most people in Europe are good at foreign languages. We start learning English at age five.

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- What did I plan to do after my road trip? I wanted to study at a German university – Munich or Frankfurt probably. Or maybe Berlin – but this meant being far away from my family and I just knew I'd miss my grandmother then. She's ill and I wanted to spend as much time with her as we'd left.

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- No, I didn't have any brothers or sisters. Not that I wouldn't love to have a big brother sometimes. But fate was cruel.

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In return I asked questions, too. And got the same kind of lies back. I didn't even try to remember them. I mean, I recognise a lie, that's something I'm really an expert on. My suspicion grew.

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Who were these guys?

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"Guys, it was a nice time, but I definitely have to hit the pillow now", I said and got up. The guys got up, too. "Same here", Sam stifled a yawn. "Nice meeting you", Dean said shaking my hand. He gave me another of these strange looks that felt as if he tried to scan my mind. I supressed a shudder and pretended not to notice.

I knew their eyes followed me until I reached my car, buckled up and drove away.

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I made sure nobody had followed me before I took a turn into an abandoned field road. I slammed the gear into park and shut the car down. That was another thing – sleeping in the car most of the time. I was used to it and it was better than sleeping outside. But cops mostly didn't react well to finding me asleep somewhere along the road. Most people tended to be suspicious of someone who lived in a car.

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I put the seat down into a comfortable sleeping position and closed my eyes. It was hot in the car, but I didn't dare sleeping outside since I had heard that there might be snakes and other strange animals creeping around in the wilderness. So I put off most of my clothes and slept in my underwear. I mean, it wasn't as if anybody would walk around and see me. – At least that was what I thought.

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In the middle of the night I was woken by a sudden knocking on the window and white light shining into my face. I jumped in shock. "What the...?"

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I didn't bother putting on anything (I was wearing shorts and a bra, so what? To my experience, most cops would stop lecturing me when I got out of the car wearing nothing but underwear), but grabbed my knife and pushed open the door, hiding the knife in my hand. "Hello?" I asked into the flashlight. "I'm sorry if I'm trespassing. I was too tired to keep going and I thought..."

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I stopped und gulped when I realized that I was looking into the barrel of a shotgun. Then I recognized the owner of the gun. "Dean?" I so knew that something about these guys was strange!

"What the..."- I paused again when I saw Sam staring at me. "Would you mind dressing...?" He blushed and tried not to look at me. I rolled my eyes. "Got a problem with my outfit?" I asked, slightly annoyed. "I don't know if you remember, but I was the one sleeping innocently inside my car when you started bumping against it. Do you expect me to sleep fully clothed, just in case you decide to come and give me a wakeup call?"

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I'd have gone on bitching like this, but the way Dean gave me a once over made me stop. My face started to feel hot again.

Dean seemed to have problems tearing his eyes away from my body. When he finally looked into my face, he appeared really angry. "What the hell were you thinking?" Dean demanded to know. "Sleeping in the car in the middle of nowhere. Don't you know how dangerous this is?"

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"Wait..." I said, thinking about this. "Do you mean, apart from being woken by two shotgun carrying lunatics?"

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I felt Dean's eyes on my body again. He focussed the flashlight on some of my various tattoos. "Nice body art." I knew he had noticed them the first second that he had laid eyes on me – it was impossible not to see them, they covered pretty much every part of my body that was usually hidden under clothing. I didn't know whether he recognized the tattoos as what they were: The most powerful protection symbols I had found during the years of my research. Against possession and some other nasty things supernatural beings could do to a person. They were symbols from all kinds of cultures. Since I had no idea about the kind of monster I might have to face, I had decided to just mix them.

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"And nice hair." That's when it hit me. Without spending any thoughts on it, I had put off the wig when I decided to sleep and opened my hair from the braid I was wearing. Since my real hair is fiery red with wild curls, I probably looked like a witch that just had jumped out of the Grimm brothers' fairy tale book. It certainly wasn't a very clever thing to do in my situation, letting my hair grow long like this. But once I had reached the US and felt safe for the first time in my life, I just couldn't bring it over me to cut it again. I mean, I didn't expect to get into a fight anymore, and I could still hide it under a wig, so why not enjoy a little vanity as long as I could afford it? Anyway, at this moment I really hated the way my hair made Dean stare at me.

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"Well, if you want to make conversation, I'll put on something decent." I said trying to hide my embarrassment. "You could start by telling me what the hell YOU are doing outside at this place and armed with this THING and scaring me half to death..."- "You don't seem scared to death to me", Dean remarked.

"That's because you can only scare me HALF to death because you are just humans." I countered. My reply had the intended effect of shutting him up for some seconds, but at the same time I knew that I had given away too much. I really should learn to hold my tongue from time to time.

"So you sleep in your car?" Sam asked. I nodded. "Motels are so expensive. My aunt just paid for the flight..." –

"Would you mind just stopping to feed us these crappy lies?" Sam interrupted me. I closed my mouth.

"Yes. I do mind." I said after a while because I couldn't think of anything else to say.

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When I looked up, Sams brown eyes were studying me. "Come with us." He said calmly. "We've a motel room. You can have the couch – it's not much, but it will be more comfortable than your car. And you'll be safer there." I wasn't convinced. When they started poking into my past... I saw Sam and Dean exchanging glances. Dean nodded.

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"I'll go with you in your car." Sam said. "So we can be sure that you don't run from us. We'd like to ask you a few questions." That's what I had feared. Panic started building up in my stomach. "Questions?" I said, angry that my voice trembled. "I don't think I want to answer questions." Nevertheless, I got into my car and waited for Sam to get into the passenger seat before I started my car. "Turn right at the main road." Sam said. There was something strange about him. It was more like a faint smell. I'm good at smelling problems, and Sam reeked of trouble. Only I somehow couldn't put my finger on what it was. I shifted uncomfortably when I felt him watching me from the side.

We didn't speak while I drove. Sam directed me to the motel where they were staying and accompanied me to their room. It was dark and small but clean, with two single beds and an old couch in front of a TV set in a corner of the room. Sam handed me a blanket. "Talk in the morning?" He asked. I nodded, glad to escape for some time.

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When Dean entered the room, I was already on the couch and pretending to sleep. I could tell that he didn't buy it, but at least he let me alone and didn't bother me further with questions.

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_Thnx for all the kind feedback so far. Just in case: I appreciate ANY kind of feedback, even from critics. ;-) _


	2. Chapter 2

_When I opened my eyes to the broad daylight and remembered where I was, I hid my face in the borrowed pillow and groaned. "Morning." said a voice pretty close to me. It was a nice, deep voice. I lifted my face. "Morning, Sam." I said while I feverishly tried to come up with a story that he would believe. There was this smell of trouble again. I knew he would want to hear a story. But I couldn't come up with anything. My mind just stayed blank._

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"So, what is your real name?" Sam asked while his eyes studied my face intently. I didn't want to answer him. I didn't want to tell anything about my past. But they had taken me in, given me a blanket and their couch and when I woke up the next morning, there was Sam sitting on a chair and waiting for Dean to return with breakfast.

"Lily Marie Sutherthon", I answered after a while and hoped he would stop interrogating me. Of course I knew perfectly well at that point that he wouldn't stop.

But, well, a girl can hope - and I didn't want to make up new lies.

The truth is, that Lily isn't my real name. I took it on when I entered the ferry to Dover. Before that, my name was Anna Mueller. And sometimes Charlene Leroux, when I travelled through France. In Spain I was Christina Sanchez.

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And these weren't my real names either. My real name was buried so deep in the back of my mind, that I almost couldn't remember it anymore. Because I had hoped that without this name, the evil being that had been chasing me through Europe wouldn't be able to find me. Because I had hoped if even I forgot my own name, it would forget it either. I can't say it really worked. But hope dies last.

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Anyway, when I looked into Sam's dark eyes, I didn't want to lie anymore. I wanted to... – I didn't know exactly what it was I wanted to do, but it definitely didn't involve this guy finding out some day that I lied to him again.

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I was desperately looking for a way out of this situation, when it suddenly hit me that they didn't only have a motel room but there was also a bathroom with a hot shower in it. I hadn't been able to take a hot shower for what felt like ages.

"See, do you think could I perhaps have a shower first?" I asked. This would also give me some more time. And maybe I could make an escape before Dean came back.

"Yes, of course you can." Sam nodded hastily. "Sorry for not thinking about it. You must be dying to have a hot shower."

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Yes, I felt guilty for using this lame trick. And I felt even more guilty when I locked the bathroom door from the inside, turned on the shower and opened the window. I sighed and looked back regretfully at the steaming hot water before I climbed out of the window.

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"Interesting way to take a shower", Dean commented the moment I had landed on the ground. I spun around to see him leaning lazily on the wall next to me. "But you probably don't feel nice and clean after this." He smiled broadly into my shocked face. "You really should try a REAL shower. Need some help with it?"

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I shook my head, unbelieving. He didn't just say that, did he? Dean nodded as if he had expected me to answer that way and indicated that he'd give me a leg up back through the window. I gave him another disbelieving look. "You want me to climb back through the window?"

Dean nodded. "Sam will be disappointed if he finds out that you tried to run from him." He winked at me. "And this way we don't have to pick the lock from the outside."

"And – you're not mad at me for trying to run away?" I simply couldn't believe it.

Dean seemed to study me again. "Why should I be?" He said. "It shows that you don't trust easily. And that you at least TRY to keep your secrets. Can't blame you for doing that."

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This sounded fair. Almost a bit too fair. But maybe that's the way he and Sam just were. I started to feel some of respect for this guy.

"By the way", Dean added before I could feel TOO much of that damn respect, "You wouldn't come far if I decided to hunt you down." He winked and nodded his head suggestively to the bathroom window. "You sure that you don't want me to take that shower with you?"

"I definitely WON'T take a shower together with YOU", I answered testily .Then I pulled up and climbed back into the now steamfilled bathroom without using his help. "Enjoy your shower." I heard Dean saying. He sounded amused.

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I was sure he would keep guard in front of the window, so I didn't even waste a thought on trying it again. Instead I took this – wonderfully hot – shower. No use fighting fate, is it.

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"Okay, princess is back from her shower – time to talk", Dean said the moment that I opened the door and stepped out. Dean had gotten my duffel bag from my car and had handed it to me through the bathroom window, so I was already wearing a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt. The two were sitting on the beds, waiting for me, and Sam was typing on his notebook again. He didn't even look up to smile at me the way he had done before, so I guessed that Dean had told him about my climbing out of the bathroom window and he really was diappointed. "Look, Sam..." I started to explain, but Dean shot me a warning look and gestured me to sit down next to him.

"Take a seat, make yourself comfortable and prepare to be grilled" he commanded. I chose Sam's bed instead, because it was the farthest place from Dean's and thus seemed to be the safest place at the moment.

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Dean grinned.

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"First question. What's you real name?"

"I really think you might want to rethink that question." I grumbled. "Except that you happen to like listening to fictional stories - since I'm not telling you. Lily 's fine."

Dean and Sam exchanged glances. Some seconds passed in silence while I felt them watching me.

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"Why?" Dean asked finally.

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I took a deep breath. This was a question I was even willing to answer – after they told me more about who THEY were. "After you, please." I said.

- "What?!"

"After you", I said. "I want to know something about you first. Then I'll answer your question."

"You don't really believe you are in the position to make conditions, are you?" Dean looked as if he wanted to get up, grab my collar and shake me. "Let me tell you something...-"

- "Okay, back down, Dean", Sam said quickly. "I think I can understand her. I mean – we are two, she's alone – why shouldn't we go first?"

I exhaled slowly.

"So you two are brothers", I said. At least I already got that much. "And you're on the road – doing what?"

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Dean and Sam exchanged glances. "Now, this might sound a bit crazy, but..."

"Believe me, I know crazy", I said annoyed. I was definitely losing my patience. Or maybe I was just losing my nerves. I wasn't sure about that. "So would you just stop this and start telling?" I looked at Dean, but he shook his head and looked at Sam. "Telling" their story seemed to be Sam's job.  
"What do you know about ghosts and other supernatural stuff?" Sam asked. "More than I care to." I answered, not exactly understanding where he wanted to get to. "We are hunters", Sam said.

_Hunters?_ I didn't understand. "What kind of hunters?" I asked. "Who do you work for? The wildlife resort? The government? And what do you hunt?"

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- "We're hunting ghosts and demons and vampires and – all that's evil and supernatural." Dean said, obviously enjoying the shocked-surprised face I made when I realized what he was telling there. And that he believed what he was telling.

"We do not exactly work for anyone who pays us." Sam said almost at the same time.

Nevertheless, I got what both of them said.

"You're hunters of supernatural things?" I asked to clarify. "Of bad things?" They nodded. "I guess that makes you the good guys." I reasoned.

Dean beamed at Sam. "Told you she's not daft."

I shot him a warning glance.

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"Now about that other thing", Dean said.

I so _knew _he wouldn't let go.

"I didn't know hunters existed." I said slowly. "But I always knew about the evil things. One of them was hunting me for some time. I think it finally lost my trail. So I'm not going to tell you about it, if you don't mind."

Not that I really cared whether they did mind or not. I simply wouldn't let them dig around in my past and wake up any sleeping demon.

"Maybe we could help you." Sam offered.

I shook my head. "I don't need help. I'm fine." I said. And I knew it was true. I finally "was fine". _Except for this strange smell around them. But I would deal with that later._ "Thank you, though."

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"So where are you going next?" Sam asked.

Dean kept watching me. He didn't say anything. It definitely made me uncomfortable. Finally he nodded. "She's not going anwhere. At least not today." He stated.

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My jaw dropped for a moment. Then I got it under control again. "Firstly, that's not for you to decide", I countered. "And secondly, I wouldn't stay here with you if it was the last place on earth."

To Sam I explained, somewhat less acidly, "I haven't yet made up my mind where I want to go. But if you tell me where you're heading from here, I will take the opposite direction. I really don't care for any encounter with whatever you're hunting, so I'm going to run again."

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Strangely enough, instead of siding with Dean, Sam looked at me knowingly. "May I ask for how long this thing was hunting you?", he asked.

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I thought about it.

"About eight years, I think", I finally answered. Had it really been that long? It seemed like all my life, but I still never thought about it being THAT long.  
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"Impossible. You're lying", Dean accused me. "You can't be older than twenty. You'd never have survived out on the streets that young."- "Is it really that impossible to believe, Dean?" Sam said in a soft voice. "Look at her. Look at how she lives." I felt offended.

"I'm seventeen", I defended myself. "And you're not the only ones who can survive on their own, even if you think so."

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"You're so NOT going out there on your own now", Dean said gravely. "So if that's what you want to say - don't even try."

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"It would really be safer if you stayed with us for the next days, Lily", Sam tried to relent. "Because even if you don't want to be, you're already in the middle of a hunt. You've stumbled into it last night when you parked near a field that belongs to the farmland outside town. Whatver it is that is out there causing trouble – it has probably seen you. At least stay until we have killed that beast."

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I gave in and stayed. I know I shouldn't have to, it wasn't safe. But the idea of running directly into the arms of whatever evil being these two so-called hunters had stirred – I really didn't want to be doing that. Plus, there was the shower. I couldn't even remember the last time I had had a hot shower.

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Maybe I was also a little bit curious about the hunting stuff.

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Okay, I admit it. Apart from the fact that they were hunters, these two guys were totally hot. But it wasn't as if this had influenced my decision to stay. I mean, they were ... how old? And I'd had how many relationships before?

Right. I mean - even hearing the word "relationship" usually sent me running.

So this was WAY out of my league. Whatever my league was.

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The main reason for staying was the shower. Definitely. The hot shower and the hunting stuff. So what? With my history and in my situation, this was just a normal thing to be curious about.


	3. Chapter 3

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Only two hours later we were driving through the streets. Dean was going to pay a visit to the morgue to try and find out more about the only victim that hadn't disappeared. Meanwhile, it was Sam's and my task to get some information about an old field outside town. Not very exciting. But at least I would be safe there and we wouldn't have to face any monsters. So it kind of was the task I preferred.

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Dean stopped his car in front of the building with the city archive to drop Sam and me off. He smiled broadly at his brother and wiggled his eyebrows into my direction. "And don't do anything I wouldn't do." "Don't you rather mean, don't do what you WOULD do", Sam shot back. "Although that wouldn't be very specific, would it?" Dean laughed. Despite his seemingly unaffected answer, Sam had blushed – which caused me to giggle. Dean grinned. "See ya." Dean drove off.

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Sam just shrugged and looked at me, all business again. "Anything might be interesting", he explained before we entered the building, "Mysterious deaths, people disappearing and so on." I nodded, bored. He treated me as if I had never done this kind of research. This kind of bugged me. I mean, I was pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to top me in the research department if I set my mind on solving this "case".

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Good point, actually. Maybe I should just go ahead and demonstrate this to shut him off? So I went into this archive and started looking into the material seriously.

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20 minutes later I had found what I wanted. "I got it." I declared. Sam took his nose out of the book he was reading. "Got what?" He asked. I went to his desk and let the evidence drop in front of him.

"Firstly, all this started in 1936, the year when a farmer called José Guillerez bought the field and some acres of farm land around it. Guillerez originally had owned a farm in South America, but things hadn't gone so well there, so he settled down here and started cattle breeding. But something seems to have followed him here. Only half a year later his youngest daughter died after she was bitten by some poisonous insect - allergic reaction, they said. Guillerez claimed, that she was stung by a minion of the devil himself and that he had saved his daughter from being abducted to hell – but nobody believed him. Some months later the wife disappeared. Guillerez told his neighbour that he wanted to move away with his surviving two children.

But he seemed to have never made it. One day they were just gone – but without packing or taking care of anything. The cattle was still there, unfed, clothes, personal things, furniture, the full fridge - even his truck was still there. They'd just disappeared. The neighbours informed the authorities, but there wasn't a real investigation."

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Sam stared at me,disbelievingly. "And you got all that from WHERE?" I smiled smugly. "From newspapers, documents, the registry of the owners of the land and - _most of it, actually_ - from reading _between_ the lines." Sam shook his head. "Did you find out what happened next?" "Sure." I said, still feeling pretty smug. Sam ignored it. "Want to hear?" Sam nodded.

"Okay, this is what I found out next.

Nobody wanted to buy the estate, people said it had been cursed. So it was bought by some rich business man from New York who hired staff to run the farm. And the curse seemed to have been lifted – nothing happened. The farm was in the property of this business man until his death two years ago. Then his nephew inherited the farm and only two weeks later one of the hired hands disappeared without leaving a trace. Since then eight people have disappeared – staff from the farm, two teenagers from town and even the nine-year-old niece of the new farm owner. His name's Matthew Barring, by the way. And obviously his uncle knew something he didn't. I think we should go and pay him a visit."

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Sam nodded again and got up. "Yes, we should definitely do that." He pushed a button on his cell phone. "Dean, can you come and pick us up? We're through here." He listened to his brother. "Yeah, okay", he finally agreed. "Meet you at the restaurant next door in about half an hour. We'll go grab a coffee there." Sam put the phone back into his pocket and looked at me. "He's talking to a girl who has been with the victim before she died." he stated unblinkingly. "Might take a couple minutes, so we meet him at the café next door." - "We can make some photocopies before we go." I suggested. He looked at me thoughtfully and nodded then. "Good idea."

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Of course it took Dean longer than half an hour. But I didn't mind much. Sitting in the restaurant and talking to Sam was the nicest way of killing time that I could imagine. Besides, as long as we sat there drinking coffee, we hadn't to go chasing after some demon which, to my conviction, was pretty much what awaited us on the farm ground.

"So how did you learn to do research that fast?" Sam asked me. I shrugged. "Most times there just wasn't enough time to do it slow." I said.

"Yeah, but who taught you?" This wasn't really a question I liked to answer. Sam seemed to study my face while he waited for me to answer. I kind of wiggled about on my chair, uncomfortably. "Do you know the story of Loki? Or coyote?" I said. "There's a trickster in almost every culture", Sam answered. "He's got powers of a half god and sometimes he seems to help you. But in real he just loves to mix things up and you can't trust him..." - "I met him one day and he taught me some practical things." I interrupted him quickly. I expected Sam to make fun of me. But instead of calling me insane, he just got a painful look on his face. "Dean and I had some encounters with him, too." He stated bitterly. "So, why do you think would he want to help you?"

I shook my head. "He didn't want to help me", I corrected, "He just wanted to USE me. He said he didn't want the other side to win – at least not too easily. Wouldn't be any fun in it, he said. And since it wasn't my loss, I played along." "So he taught you how to do research?" Sam asked. "But you never even intended to use your ability to hunt. Did the trickster know that?" I smiled. "He said so when I told him I'd only use it to survive."

.

Sam was silent for a while. "Why might your survival be so important?" he finally asked. - "See, that's what I don't understand either." I answered, grinning. "But again, it's not my loss, so I don't complain."

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After fourtynine minutes with no Dean showing up we started to worry. Sam checked his watch again, then he dialed Dean's number. "Where are you?" he asked annoyed into the phone. Dean answered. Sam rolled his eyes. "Okay, we'll see you at the motel." He switched off the cell and gave me a look. "He's kind of busy. So we have to see how we get back." "Well, if we have to walk, then let's get going", I suggested. Sam gave me a surprised look. "What? The motel isn't that far." I defended myself. "Maybe a walk of an hour - or less." I didn't understand what the problem was.

Sam threw his head back, laughing loudly. "Could you ever be MORE European?!" he asked gulping for air. "A girl from the Midwest probably wouldn't even have gotten the IDEA that walking might be an option." He tried to sober, but he still couldn't stop grinning. "But you're right. Walking back won't kill us."

.

I started to doubt this when I found out how hot walking on a road without any shade could be. The more I started to understand the reasons a girl from the Midwest would have for NOT volunteering to walk any distance, the more I regretted my naive comment. The blazing sun forced me to squint all the time while at the same time the heat tried to fry me inside my clothes. Breathing became more and more difficult, and I started to feel so thirsty I hadn't felt for some time.

.

At least I had company which was better than nothing. Even if it was a very silent company, though.

Sam was walking next to me without saying a word. He had closed his eyes against the bright sun and was looking at the ground while walking. From time to time, when he thought I wouldn't notice, he glanced at me. So I did my best pretending to be unaffected by the heat and the sun. After a while of walking silently, I tried to start a conversation. "One time, when I was eleven, I walked on a similar road for two days", I said. "That was in the south of Spain." Sam lifted his head and looked at me sympathetically. "You must have been very thirsty then." I secretly rolled my eyes. That didn't go the way I wanted. I had expected him to say something like: "Yeah? Well, Dean and I one day..." I really had hoped for one of these funny anecdotes from him, that kind that he had told me in the restaurant. But instead he made stupid emphatic comments. Maybe he was just tired.

"Maybe Dean will come and pick us up", I said hopefully.

Sam shook his head. "I don't think so." I shrugged, disappointed. "Whatever."

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	4. Chapter 4

.

It took us only 50 minutes till we got to the parking lot in front of the motel. There was still no sign from the impala. Sam smiled at me when we entered our motel room. "It's already half past four in the afternoon. So even if Dean arrived here this moment, we couldn't do much today. I've got to call this Matthew Barring first and make an appointment before we can show up at the farm – and I doubt he'll want us there before tomorrow morning." I nodded. I wasn't too eager to face the demon responsible for the disappearings anyway.

"So, what can we do now?" I asked Sam, after he had made the call. Sam gave me a strange look. "All we have to do is find a way to pass the time till tomorrow. What do you want to do?" he asked me.

To be honest, I hadn't really thought about that yet. I had expected him to always have the master plan. "I don't know." I said, mildly surprised. "We – we could talk some more, I guess."

"Talk." Sam mused. "I'm okay with that." He sat down on his bed and patted the place next to him. "Take a seat."

.

It was when I sat next to him that I noticed the smell again. Sam had this wonderful spicy and exciting smell of man and danger that made me wanting to hug him and be close to him – but there was also this other, different and very dark smell that I had smelled before. I breathed in his smell again – it was a bit musky and damp and sharp at the same time... It took me a while to realize what it was, but when I got it, it hit me like a lightening bolt. "You – you smell like demon." I said shocked.

.

I felt Sam stiffening. I waited until he relaxed again. He let out his breath. "How can you tell?" he wispered.

"I don't know." I said. "I just can. But how can this be? You are no demon, I would have known if you were."

"I have some demon blood in me." Sam said quietly. "When I was six months old, the one who killed my mother bled into my mouth." I waited for him to explain some more, but obviously that was all I was going to get as an explanation. He probably could have gotten rid of it about a thousand times ago, so I kind of guessed he didn't want to. But how could he want keep it? Except if it helped him in his job as a hunter.

Anyway, I had to ask him, just in case. "Do you want me to remove it?"

.

"WHAT?!"

.

"I asked whether you wanted me to remove it." I repeated, feeling a bit anxious.

.

"What?!" Sam shouted again. When he saw my face, he calmed down a bit. "You can remove it?" He asked in a lower voice. "How?"

I looked at him, disbelieving. "You mean you never even TRIED?"

.

Sam shook his head. "We never found even a clue that it was possible to take it away."

.

This made me curious. They must have met a lot of psychic people on their way. Why had no one ever tried – or even mentioned that it might be possible to remove the taint from Sam's blood? I leaned closer, inhaled deeply and followed the smell.

.

But when I probed with my mind, I got nothing. I ended up at some walls – walls that, I suspected, Sam had built up himself.

.

So I got the answer – and a serious headache from hitting his wall face-first. I moaned and massaged my forehead.

.

"If you want me to remove it, you need to let your guards down." I said, feeling bitchy from the pain. "Completely, I mean."

.

Sam gave me an earnestly surprised look. "I have guards?"

.

"Yes, you have." I was annoyed. "So how do I let them down?" Sam asked. I didn't even try hiding my annoyance at this. "Don't tell me you're a psychic, but you can't control anything."

Sam didn't answer.

.

This was interesting. "Wait... What CAN you do?" I asked him.

.

"I get visions." Sam answered. But I felt that he was still holding back something. "And sometimes I can move things."

"And?" I was sure that this wasn't all. "What are you trying to keep from me?"

"I ..." Sam hesitated. "I can exorcise demons with my mind." He then said quickly.

.

- "You can WHAT?" I shouted. Although I didn't know why this shocked me so much – I mean, exorcising demons, no matter which way, couldn't be anything but good, could it? But somehow it didn't seem good. I felt a cold shudder running down my spine. This was major bad news. "How did you find out that you could do this?"

.

"Ruby taught me." Sam explained.

"Ruby?" – "Well, yeah, she is... She's a friend."

"Uh-hu", I made. "And this FRIEND happens to be WHAT kind of creature?" I didn't know how I knew this.

"She's a demon", Sam answered. "But before you say anything else, let me explain."

And so he explained. About the deal following the deal, about the big battle, Dean's time in hell, his friendship with Ruby and about their encounter with the angels.

I listened quietly.

"So", I said after he'd finished, "What if the removing of the demon blood takes away your ability of exorcising them with your mind? Would you still want me to remove it, even if it meant you'd lose a big part of your power?"

.

Sam hesitated. "Maybe I am meant to do this", he said thoughtfully. "Maybe it's our only chance to win. So if I lose this ability..."

I nodded. "That's what I thought." I explained. "As long as you don't want me to remove it, you won't lower your guards."

He looked confused. "I don't understand."

"But I do." I said. "And I don't believe that you sacrificing your soul is our only chance to win. I think this is just a stupid idea a certain demon has implanted into your mind."

.

At first I thought he'd get angry with me. There were a lot of different feelings showing in his face, they seemed to be fighting against each other. He studied my face for quite a while before speaking again.

.

"So you can do it?"

.

"I think so." I said, careful not to give away too much. There were several ways to force him to let down his guards - and I hadn't decided yet which way I prefered. "If you let me."

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_ask nicely ... Review, please...? Just a short sentence. In fact, words will do, too._

_If you want me to go on, that is. /ask nicely_


	5. Chapter 5

When Dean opened the door to our motel room, he found Sam and me together sleeping on Sam's bed. "Hey, wow, Sammy! Must admit I didn't expect it, but I'm proud of you, little brother." Sam blinked and drowsily opened one eye. "Dean?... Wassup?" Dean grinned broadly in return.

.

I lifted my head and cursed when I realized what it must look like. "It's not what you think." I so KNEW that this was the probably most stupid thing in the world to say. Nevertheless, my sleep-drugged mind couldn't come up with a better response. Dean still grinned. "Yeah, of course. So I take it you two passed the time quite nicley?"

.

"Dean. Nothing. Happened." Sam said annoyed. "We are both still fully clothed, as you can see." Dean looked at him innocently. "Sure. Didn't expect anything else of you two. Why?"

"Bastard", I said.

Dean laughed. "That's me." He sat down on his bed an looked at us again. "Isn't that cosy." I hurried to sit up and skid away from Sam. Sam yawned as he, too, slowly sat up. "You finished with your research?" Dean asked.

.

I nodded. "What about you? Spent the afternoon with the eye witness?"

Dean's grin grew even broader. "Jealous?" He asked. "My offer still stands."

I felt my face starting to burn hot. This seemed to happen a lot with him being around. I hastily shook my head.

.

"We went to a restaurant for a snack while she told me about her friend. Then we went to the graveyard where she showed me the graves of the three people that were found dead over the years. Not the best timing for making out, if that's what you want to know."

– "I didn't really want to – I'm sorry." I said.

Dean winked at me. "I'm not quite sure how to tell you, but this deems me to be a victory." He gave me a triumphant look.

I snorted. "If you think so, go ahead and celebrate."

.

Sam looked from me to Dean and back to me. "You two lovebirds are so cute", he commented. Which didn't really help with my face colour. Dean started laughing.

.

I'd just opened my mouth to say something that might wipe the smug expression from his face - only I couldn't exactly think of anything intelligent to say, so I finally settled for something less intelligent that at least would show him his place – But that's when Sam interrupted me before I had even a chance to start.

.

"Okay, this is what we found out..." Ignoring me completely, Sam started filling Dean in.

.

When Sam had finished, Dean whistled. "You two almost solved the case", he stated impressed.

-

"And there's another thing", Sam said. "Lily mentioned that she might be able to take the demon taint away from my blood."

I felt Dean's look on my face. I concentrated on the wall behind him. It had some deep cracks and an exceptionally ugly wall paper, with tiny pink and light blue flowers on it. Maybe I concentrated too much, since I didn't hear Dean adressing me the first time. "Hello? Earth to Lily? I'm speaking to you." He said. I looked up – and desperately tried not to drown in his greyish-green eyes. "Can you really do that? Remove the demon stuff?" I nodded hesintantly. "I think that I can – if he lets me."

.

"She says I have some guards up that keep her from getting a closer look at it", Sam explained. I nodded. "That's correct."

.

"So what can we do?" Dean asked. "Make sure he gets drunk? Wait until he sleeps?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea whether this might work or not. But at least it's worth a try." - "And if it doesn't work?" Dean looked at me.

"Then", I answered, keeping my look as vacant as possible, "Then I'll try some other things."

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_sulk If you don't like this story, then go on: DON'T tell me anything. Don't tell me whether you liked it or not! I won't bother you with updating anytime soon. Really, I won't. /sulk_


	6. Chapter 6

"_Other_ things." Dean said, musing. "I wonder what you have in mind." I blushed again. I was glad Sam wasn't here to listen. He was inside the bathroom, taking a shower.

.

Dean watched me with an interested look but didn't say anything. "One day you gonna tell me who you really are." He stated.

When I met his eyes I knew he meant it. I started to tremble. "I can't." I whispered.

Dean got up from his bed and moved towards me. He sat next to me on Sam's bed. "Why?" he asked in a very low voice. "I just – can't. It will find me."

.

"If you trusted me, I wouldn't let it." Dean said. I didn't understand what suddenly had gotten into him. I remember thinking that he was acting totally out of character and that he was being much too nice.

And then I don't know what got into me. Because when I lifted my face and looked into his eyes, I simply couldn't resist. I pressed my lips on his to give him a – more or less chaste – kiss. Only that it didn't work out that way I had intended. Because then something happened that none of us had expected.

.

The moment my lips were on his, something seemed to explode between us. Nothing else mattered anymore but his scent, the feeling and the taste of him and his wandering hands on my back. I felt his tongue enter my mouth and I answered with my own. The tingling sensation that I had felt from the moment he first looked at me seemed to be all over me. It took my breath away and made me kissing him back as if our lives depended from it. Dean's hands slipped beneath the waistband of my pants and I felt him touching my skin. And I wanted more, I wanted everything that he could give to me...

.

"Uhm..." Sam made from the bathroom door.

It took all our strength to part from each other.

.

"Wow... What the hell was THAT?" Dean asked, panting.

"I...dunno..." I still tried to catch my breath.

"If you ask me, you two were trying to..."- Sam tried to help.

- "Didn't ask you, little brother", Dean interrupted. "And I didn't really intend doing this." –

"Neither did I." I agreed. "At least it wasn't an _informed decision_..."

Sam laughed dryly. He opened his mouth, probably to make some sniding remark.

But Dean held up his hand. "Anyway, I know kisses. And I'm telling you, this kiss wasn't natural." –

"Thanks a lot", I said jokingly. "I enjoyed it, too."

.

Then it hit me that he was being serious. "What was it then?" I asked.

"Dunno. I just had told you that I would keep you safe if you trusted me... – and then we started kissing each other as if there were no tomorrow."

.

"Maybe there isn't." Sam said.

.

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks, your comments are helping a lot", I said.

I mean, probably he was right. But it really didn't help. Someone – or rather something – had made me kiss Dean. I would have never done this on my own.

With him I wasn't sure. I might just have been reflexes, he was this kind of guy. A girl kisses him, he kisses back. Just like he had to breath out after breathing in. It was all my fault, I had triggered his reaction. The big question, of course was:_ Why?_ Why would anyone want me to kiss Dean?

I shook my head to get rid of the memory and pictures in my head. Disgusted I looked at the two brothers and got up. I kneeled down next to the bed and looked under it. I searched under the matress with my hand. "What the hell are you doing there?" Dean asked.

"What does it look like?" I said irritated. "I'm looking for any kind of hidden hexbags, cursed mistletoes or some other clue to what might have caused ME kissing YOU." With this I disappeared under the bed where I started searching every inch of the damned matress.

.

Sam roared with laughter. Next moment I heard a punching sound. "Ow. Dean! I'll...-" More punching sounds. I didn't care. My fingers had touched something that didn't belong under a bed. "I think I found something!"

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_Please Review..._

_threaten ... Or I might get worse. Make a lot of writing mistakes. Mix up the grammar until it's unreadable. Or screw up the story. Kill 'em all and so. Might really do that. /threaten_

_..._

_beg I mean, I feel like nobody seems to care lately, anyway. Just write ANYTHING. It would help so much... Please?! /beg_


	7. Chapter 7

_1.) Thnx for being brave/stubborn/curious/bored/story-addicted? enough to read this. _

_2. ) I'm still not really content with this story, so if you've got any suggestions, complaints or whatever - please tell me. I'd appreciate that._

It wasn't a regular hexbag that I'd found under Sam's bed. It was a kind of leather pouch with a yellowish piece of paper in it that was covered with lines of small letters written in a neat and clean hand. Only that these letters – although they felt familiar in a very strange way - weren't written in any language I could read. The paper was rolled and when we unfolded it, five dead bugs fell out. I jumped backwards. "Ewww." I really hated bugs. Always have. Maybe because I had to sleep in too many bug-infested places when I was young.

.

We burned the bugs AND the paper. It was a pity since I (and probably Sam, too) would have liked to study the writing, but we couldn't risk keeping it. I still didn't understand why anyone would have wanted me and Dean to kiss. But there were a lot of things I didn't understand. I mean, it was totally out-of-character for me to kiss some guy – or, to be precise: At least kissing a _not nerdy_ guy that didn't even wear a lab coat AND held some secret information on things I needed to know WAS out of character. (I wouldn't put it past me to kiss someone for a good reason.) Anyway, I had no such excuse for kissing Dean. Just the stupid hexbag. Which wasn't a real excuse. I was still angry with my subconsciousness for being so damned weak.

.

Sam had made an appointment with Matthew Barring at nine in the morning, so after salting the windows and the door, we went to sleep early.

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That terrible night I awoke from Thorben's crying. There was smoke in my bedroom. I got up and went on sleepy feet to the nursery where Thorben's crib stood. The door was open and there were flames everywhere. In the middle of the room, next to Thorben's crib and circled with flames was my father. In his hand he held the gun that he kept inside the top drawer of his desk. There were tears on his face when he looked at me. "Enna! Lauf!" He shouted. "Raus hier – solang du noch kannst." _Run._ _While you still can. Run fast. _But I couldn't. I stood there, my feet nailed to the floor and stared at my father and then at the ceiling where my mother was. I didn't even wonder how she got there. There was the smell of evil everywhere around me. Blood was dropping down from her and landing on my little brother's face – and I saw that she tried to scream, maybe she wanted to tell Dad something, but she couldn't and Dad didn't understand. He aimed his gun at my little brother inside the crib. There was a shot and the crying stopped. Then I saw him lifting his gun to the ceiling.

.

Another shot.

.

The voices whispered and they became louder and more agitated. They knew what he wanted to do, they just knew it – and they would keep him from doing it, no matter what the cost. And the paying would be terrible. "Nein, Papa - niiiicht!" I cried. But my father didn't listen to me. "_It must be destroyed_. Run. Now." And without waiting for me to protest further, my father threw the small leatherbound packet into the fire.

In the next moment hell seemed to break loose.

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I woke with a start. Enna. I had tried so hard to forget that name that it had almost worked. "It" had lost my trace. Now it was there again, together with the book. And the name was back in my mind.

"You screamed in your sleep." I looked up. Sam stood in front of the couch and glanced down at me. "Had a nightmare?" He asked, studying my face. I nodded while I concentrated on _not_ thinking the name my father had used to call me. I didn't want to remember it. "Get that often?" I shook my head. "Just something I read yesterday that kept my head busy with strange stuff", I lied. He didn't need to know that much about me.

.  
The voices hadn't started whispering in my head, at least not yet. So maybe it wasn't yet too late. I would try again. Lily. I'm Lily.

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Matthew Barring was a man in his early thirties. He had a nice smile which he used on us when he opened the door of the farm house to welcome us. He led us through the entrance hall and into his library, a room of impressive size with walls that were lined with book shelves. In the middle stood a massive round table of mahaghoni wood with five chairs. Barring grabbed one of the chairs and let himself fall on it. "Please – do sit down. Ice tea? Lemonade? Something else?" He leaned back in his chair and looked at us. Sam and me refused politely, but Dean grabbed a glass and poured some lemonade into it. "Thanks a lot." He smiled his typical Dean-smile.

"Let's get to the point." Sam started the conversation. "There were some strange things happening lately on your farm. People missing or found dead. What do you know about it?" Barring made a face. "Can't say I like what I know."

.

"I inherited the farm from my uncle together with a letter telling me to take special care of a certain book in his library. He wrote that it couldn't be destroyed but that I had to make sure that nobody ever opened it to even glance at its pages. I am not interested in old books, but this stirred up my curiousity and so I did some research on the book before I came here." He got up, went to the ladder that leaned there for reaching the upper shelves and took an extremly old looking book from one of the top shelves. It was bound in some kind of half-rotten looking almost black leather. "Here it is. The _Kitab Al-Azif, _written by Abdul Al'hazred."

.

I didn't dare to breath. I knew the book. I almost heard the strange foreign looking signs rustling and whispering inside. The book smelled evil. It reeked of demon, or of something similar bad. Sam seemed to feel it too, he shifted uncomfortably on his chair and started breathe slowly and rub his temples as if he was in pain.

.

"According to what I found out, this book shouldn't even exist." Barring explained, looking at a sheet with some notes. "It was an invention by a writer of horror stories. If we believed the story the writer has made up, the text was written in a strange language in the year 730 and translated into the Greek language in 950 by Theodorus Philetas of Constantinopel. It was copied several times, translated into other languages and even printed in Italy in the 1600s. But it never really existed, it was pure fiction. In the 1970s, some enterprising booksellers thought it might be a funny idea to print a real-looking fake of the book. To save time, they made up only the first 15 pages or so and then repeated them again and again." Barring looked at us expectantly.

.

I nodded. I knew the story. And I knew what Barring would say next.

"But this doesn't look like a fake." I concluded. Barring gave me an unhappy smile. "Yeah. This looks like the real thing."

.

"What I don't get is: What has the book to do with people showing up dead?" Dean asked putting his glass away, all business again. Barring stiffened almost unnoticably.

"It might be cursed." I said quickly. "That's what Mr. Barring wants to tell us, isn't it?" Barring looked relieved. "Yes. That's it. It might be cursed." He answered a bit too fast. That might give him away. The Winchester brothers were very perceptive. Sam still looked pale, as if the evil in the book had somehow been able to communicate with him, so at least _he _probably didn't notice. But Dean definitely did. Well, I would have to deal with that later.

Barring shot me a glance and I knew that he knew. The problem was, he had tried to read it. As I had.

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The ride back was quiet. I knew that Dean and Sam were thinking about what they had learned at the farm. Somehow our minds worked very similar: We all wanted to think things over first, before we started discussing our theories. I wondered what theory they might come up with. And what I was going to tell them then.

I rested my head on the window and let my thoughts drift.

.

I remember standing in front of the door of my father's study and staring at the door handle. I was afraid of knocking, because he didn't like to be disturbed and he'd be in a bad mood when he opened. But I had to tell him. Thorben had been crying for days now. And there where the voices whispering in my head, evil voices telling me bad and nasty things and they wouldn't go away. I raised my fist again to knock at the massive wooden door. He would be angry with me when I told him that I'd disobeyed him. That I had sneaked into the library to steal a look at the forbidden book. But there hadn't been any letters in it that I could read. Just strange signs that seemed to move and whisper when I looked at them. And they went on with whispering, their voices growing louder and louder. The signs were evil. "They did something to my head." I whispered.

.

"What?" Sam asked. I looked up. We were almost there. "Nothing." I said. "Just thinking. This book... I've seen it before. It's evil."

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_If you review..._

_...it makes me improve my writing (the more critical you are the better it'll get) and the next chapter that I update will be better.... It also makes me update faster. Really! _


	8. Chapter 8

_Thank you so much for the reviews! I actually had just decided to stop writing and not to update this story anymore, but then I got these real nice reviews showing me that there're still people out there who'd like to read on. So, here's the next chapter. Love you all! :)_

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We were almost back at the motel again when Sam got a real bad headache. I heard him groan and then saw him suddenly double up in the front seat as if under bad pain. "O no. Not again." Dean said. "I thought it had stopped." Sam didn't answer. So I did.

.

"It's the book." I said.

.

"The book?" Dean looked at me sharply. "Tell me what you know about this book."

I hesitated. I still didn't feel comfortable with giving away too many details that were connected with my past. Anything these two guys knew about me would make me even more vulnerable. And vulnarable to them also meant vulnerable to the evil that was somewhere out there and still following me.

.

"As Barrings said, it shouldn't exist. But it's there – and it's not the only copy. I've seen another copy of the book some years ago. But it has been destroyed – or at least I hope so. We have to destroy this one, too, before Barring reads more in it."

.

"Why?" Dean asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but I was interrupted by Sam.

"I saw a woman." He groaned and held his head in both hands. "She was stabbed. No, not stabbed. Slaughtered." Sam covered his eyes as if the light hurt. "Tortured. Someone cut her to pieces, using a simple kitchen knife. I didn't see who it was, but the woman obviously knew him. She was crying and begging and he kept cutting... – I think I have to throw up..."

.

Dean reacted within seconds and pulled over. Almost at the same time Sam opened the door and leaned out. I heard him gagging. When he had finished, he closed the door again and leaned back, eyes closed. "O man, this sucks..." He tried to breathe carefully.

Dean seemed to be used to Sam having this kind of visions. He didn't even make a comment on Sam almost puking into his precious car. Which kind of concerned_ me_.

.

Dean didn't say a word after he pulled back on the road again. He just got us back to the motel as fast as the impala would go. Which was pretty fast. But for Sam it still didn't seem to be fast enough. He jumped out of the impala as soon as we stopped in the parking lot and disappeared into the hotel room. Dean and I followed him. When we entered the hotel room, we heard retching sounds coming from the bathroom. "Poor guy." Dean said. "Wouldn't want to get like this all the time."

I just shook my head wondering.

.

When Sam came out, he looked pale as death. He fell onto his bed and stayed there wihout moving or speaking for some time. He just lay there with a wet towel on his face that Dean had brought him. Again something I wouldn't have expected from Dean.

Finally Dean started to speak again. "Did you see something about where the woman might be?" He asked softly. At first I thought Sam was asleep because he didn't answer for a while. "Dunno. 't was night...." He finally said. His voice sounded slurry, as if he was drunk or in heavy pain. I wondered what it was. "They seemed to be in a kind of shed... Or a barn. There were ... machines in the background like you'd use on a farm. Might've been the Barring farm."

_._

"_Matthew Barring... I wonder how many hours he has already spent staring at it."_ Staring at theses blackened pages covered with symbols and signs so horrible and yet so unreadable that you couldn't describe them.

.

"What did you just say?" Dean asked. I looked up surprised. I hadn't realized that I'd said it aloud. "Matthew Barring" I repeated. "I said Matthew Barring. He's the one who tortures her. At least that's what I think."

"And _before _that?" Dean gave me a scrutinising look. "You said something else."

I shrugged. "He's opened the book."

"Yeah. The book. Speaking of..." Dean said. "You wanted to tell me about it."

I shot a glance at Sam. He seemed to have fallen asleep. Good.

.

"Did you notice the color it has?" I asked slyly.

"It's black." Dean said unimpressed. "What about it?"

"The pages are made of human skin." I said. "That's where the colour comes from."

I paused for the effect and waited, but Dean's unfazed expression didn't change a bit. "It is said that people had to be skinned alive to make the book more powerful. The skin of one human is needed to make exactly 13 pages." This creeped me out. Still no real reaction from Dean. He just nodded with his face blank as if I'd lectured him on some statistics about library users and waited for me to go on. "And there are about 300 blackened pages in the book. Plus the cover." _Yuck._ I felt this cold shiver down my back as if the evil could get to me just because I was telling the story. But what shocked me most was that Dean didn't seem to care. I wondered what horror he must have seen in his life to react straightfaced like this. To not be terrified or at least disgusted. Where the hell had he been, what had he seen that was more terrifying than a book made of blackened human skin?

"It's a book that calls something terrible." I explained. "People who read the book become crazy and start to do terrible things like sacrificing their loved ones."

I fell silent again. He didn't need to know what it had cost me in the past. He didn't need to know that I, too, had looked at the signs in the book. That my father had burned the book, so the "thing" couldn't get to me before I, too, went crazy. The only problem was that by then, "it" had already caught my scent and started to hunt me. And now it seemed to smell me again. Because there existed another copy.

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"Please would you mind closing the blinds?" Sam moaned. Dean got up immediately to do so. Then he motioned me to follow him outside. We went outside and closed the door silently behind us. Dean sat down on the floor (which was still hot from the sun) and mimicked to me to do so, too.

. "What about Sam?" I asked him. "Does he get this kind of visions often?" I mean, I could already tell by Dean's reaction in the car, but I wanted to know for sure. "He's had them in the past." Dean said. "But they've stopped for some weeks now. I thought it was over. But I was wrong, obviously."

.

I buried my face in my hands while I thought about what he had said._ So they are really somehow connected. _And this meant just one thing for sure.

.

"We can't let Sam get close to the book again." I said aloud. To my surprise, Dean looked up as if he'd just waited for me to say it loud. "I was afraid there might be a connection." He said calmly. "I was afraid the demon stuff in his blood might try to call this evil thing in the book." _Talk about him not knowing his stuff._ "Well, how can we destroy it?"

It felt strange and wrong that Dean asked me this. I was almost as connected to the evil thing as Barring was. "Maybe if we burn it." I suggested. But I knew "it" wouldn't let us do this. Dean looked at me as if he could read my mind. "Maybe you should better try and take this thing away from him first?"

.

I didn't dare to meet his gaze. "Yeah, maybe I should do that."

Although the more I got to know Sam, the less I was sure that I'd be able to remove it. Sam had got used to the powers that came with the the demon blood. He wouldn't give them up easily. And I knew that I couldn't safe him without getting very close – maybe dangerously close – to him.

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"You know, I've thought about that hexbag thing again." Dean said suddenly. "I didn't notice it first because I was – well – _occupied_ with thinking about other things, but... It was hidden under _Sam's_ bed."

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_I enjoyed writing it! _

_If YOU enjoy reading - please tell me, so I know whether I should go on._


	9. Chapter 9

_I'm not sure about this one. __**Please**__ read and tell me what you think..._

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I was lying on my bed on the couch, staring at the ceiling and thinking. Sam was snoring softly while Dean slept without making the slightest sound.

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The hexbag had been under Sam's bed, not Dean's.

_Fact. _

It had caused Dean and me to kiss just because we were standing close to it.

_Another fact._

Either it had been placed under the bed randomly, or on purpose.

_Conclusion._

If it had been placed there on purpose - which was my guess – someone obviously had wanted me and Sam to kiss.

_Second conclusion. _The question was, why? The problem was, I wouldn't find out until I actually _kissed_ Sam. What might cause another problem – in case that kissing Sam wasn't a good idea.

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There was the demon blood for example.

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_Hell. What-the. _Patience had never really belonged to my virtues.

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I got up and tiptoed to Sam's bed. It wasn't really dark yet, so I could see well enough. The movement and the soft sound of my feet seemed to be enough. Sam moved in his sleep. I waited and tried not to breath.

.

When his breathing was even again, I slowly bent over his bed – inch after inch – and breathed in his scent. Sam's own smell was wonderful, spicy and sweet. But mixed with it there was the damp smell of evil and demon again. I shuddered, but forced myself to move even closer. Slowly I probed with my mind. Sam obviously felt safe sleeping next to his brother. He had lowered his guards a bit.

Then I stopped. Someone was watching me. Careful not to make a sudden move, I lifted my gaze. And looked directly into Dean's green eyes. He smiled at me. "Do it." Dean mouthed. Only, this was easier said than done.

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When I tried to get behind Sam's walls again, I touched one of the invisible barriers just slightly. And at the next moment I was on my back with a massive body pressing me down so that I was unable to move. There was a knife against my throat, cutting slightly into the skin of my neck. I knew Dean would come and safe me, but he'd have to get up first. If Sam really cut my throat, it might be too late for that. "Sam." I gasped pleadingly. "It's me – Lily..."

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Sam gave me a mad look and loosened his grip. "Don't you ever try that again." He spat out while he rolled down from me and sat up. "I could have killed you." I sat up, too, but held his gaze. "But you haven't." I said, smiling sweetly. "Besides, you kind of wanted me to try and remove the demon stuff."  
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"You could have asked." Sam said.

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"I did." I shot back. "But you didn't really give me an answer."

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Sam wanted to answer something but then closed his mouth again. I wondered whether it was because of Dean. I knew Dean was listening to our conversation although he pretended to sleep. And I was pretty sure that Sam knew his brother well enough to know that Dean wouldn't sleep through a fight like this.

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Sam bent down to me until I felt his breath close to my ear. "You're right." He whispered into my ear. "I didn't answer you. Because I'm feeling that one day these powers might be the only thing that stands between us and hell. And I'm not going to give them up if there's a chance that they might be able to safe us." He sounded angry and I realized that I was close to solving the problem. _The "demon stuff" in him already feels threatened... _But what could I do to remove it?

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"Sam, do you listen to yourself? You are talking about "them" as if they had an own personality", I said in an annoyed voice. "And maybe they have. Because they are part of something evil and they are trying to win you over. Maybe they already have."

I looked directly into his eyes and refused to let go. I knew he wouldn't want to lose the staring contest against a girl – and that was my chance.

For a moment I saw "it" behind his eyes, fighting. Then it disappeared and Sam was back. Sam sighed. "Lily..." He shook his head as if to get rid of something in it. "I'm afraid. I... sometimes I feel like I can't let them go. But honestly, I don't really understand what is happening to me", he said softly.

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What came next, could have been caused by the demon blood in him calling to me. Or better, calling to the thing in my head. Anyway, somehow, his little confession got me. Suddenly I realized two things: First, that it didn't need a hex bag to make me kiss Sam. Hell, it was hard _not to kiss him_ right now.

_._

He seemed to feel it too, since he bent lower until his lips almost brushed mine.

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I turned my head away just in time. "_Don't,_ Sam. We can't." Because the second thing I realized was that this could never happen, because both of us were tainted.

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And I didn't have the slightest idea how to remove his taint as long as he didn't let me. And as long as the thing was able to take control of his mind... But there was something that I could do against this.

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"Wait a moment."

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I knew that Dean was watching us when he thought we wouldn't notice. And I knew that the thing I had in mind would probably totally creep him out. Although, with Dean, you never knew.

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I got the rope from my duffel bag and started cutting it into pieces. Sam watched me. "What are you doing?"

"Cutting a long piece of rope into several shorter pieces." I explained.

"I'm seeing that." Sam said. "_Why _are you doing this?"

– "Wait and see."

When I started tying the rope pieces up to his bed frame, he got suspicious. "Lily", he said warningly. I knew I wouldn't have much more time.

"Dean, I could use a hand here." I asked. Dean gave up his pretense immediately and got up from his bed. I looked at Sam. "I need you to lie down and relax. Trust me. Please." But it was too late._ "It" _panicked.

"What do you want?" Sam claimed. "What's going on in your mind? Are you crazy?" "Dean, quick. Hold him down." I said. "I need to tie him up."

"Dean, don't you dare." Sam warned and tried to get up. But Dean was faster.

They started to fight, but during the fight I managed to grab one of Sam's wrists and tie it. The other wrist followed soon. Sam went into desperate kicking mode. Dean and I caught some nasty bruises but we managed to tie him down entirely.

"And what next?" Dean asked, panting.

"Now I'm going to write something into his chest that will suppress this thing and help him staying in control over his mind." I said. "I'm sorry I don't have the equipment to tattoo it properly. So it will just become a nasty scar. But this might be the only chance I get, so I have to do it now." When I took the bottle of antiseptic out of my stuff and began rinsing Sam's knife in it, Sam started cursing loudly. We had to gag him because otherwise he would have woken up everyone in the motel.

Dean watched every move I made. "You might want to look away now." I suggested when I bent over Sam. But Dean shook his head. "Don't worry about me. But you might need someone holding him down while you're at it."

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He was right. I would never have made it without him, when Sam started seriously thrashing around. Hurting Sam wasn't anything I want to recall, I still hope one day I'll be able to forget these horrible 20 minutes with him kicking and trying to tear the ropes, so I won't write any more word about it.

The symbols I had chosen were often used by sailors (those of the more superstitious sort) to keep away ghosts and hobgoblins. You would find them carved into the main mast or even into the railing. I don't know why I was so sure that they would work, but something just told me they would keep the "thing" at bay. As I cut in the last one of the symbols, Sam finally calmed down. When I put desinfectant on the wounds, Dean got up and went to the bathroom.

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I didn't dare looking into Sam's face while I losened the ropes and freed his wrists.

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"Hey, Lily." Sam's voice sounded hoarse from all the cursing and shouting he had done in the beginning, before we gagged him. I lifted my head in surprise. I hadn't noticed that Dean had removed the gag.

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There were streaks of tears on Sam's face. I knew that they weren't there because Sam had been crying from physical pain; he was used to much worse pain. Something else had happened during my little "writing experiment".

"Now I know for sure it's evil." Sam whispered. "It has talked to me. And it's still there."

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I looked at my hands because I couldn't meet his gaze. Behind me, I heard Dean leaving the motel room. _So this meant we would have to stay away from each other. _No hugging, as little touching as possible. And definitely no kissing. _"It" _was still waiting for an opportunity to mingle with the thing in my head. I sighed._ And this Ruby bitch had known it all the time_. But why? What could a demon possibly gain from this? It kept nagging me but I couldn't come up with a satisfying answer. Finally I got up and went outside to look for Dean.

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I found him outside sitting on a rock next to the parking lot. "He's able to keep it under control now", I said. Dean nodded. He didn't look up. I waited, but he didn't answer. Finally I lost my patience. "Okay, here's what we have", I said. "Matt Barring has inherited another copy of the book and he has looked at it. He's already addicted to reading the book."

_The way my father had been, _I thought, but Dean didn't need to know this. _Only that Barring isn't as strong as my father was, he'd never choose to destroy the book._

Dean still didn't say anything. But I knew that he was listening to every word I said.

So I went on.

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"The problem is, the book is still in his house and it will be hard to destroy it. And even if we manage to do so, it will still be able to follow those who have looked at the signs." _Which again included me. _"That means it will follow Matthew Barring and probably some of the people on the farm. Which means, we have to destroy it as soon as possible. And Matt Barring probably won't be able to help us with it – he's already too far gone, I've seen it in his eyes."

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Dean finally reacted. He studied my face for some seconds, then focussed on my eyes and smiled. "Fine. Let's go. It's four in the morning - the perfect time for burning a book." He got up. "You coming or not?" He asked when I didn't move.  
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I nodded in shock. "Yeah... sure."

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To tell the truth, I wasn't really keen on doing this job. Because the big problem was: _"It" _would definitely be on my trail if I did something so stupid as touching the cover. Which was kind of bound to happen if – or better _when_ - we tried to destroy it. Maybe being in the same room with the book, breathing the air in it, had already been enough to set in on my trail. And usually this knowledge would have sent me running. Only that I _didn't do _running anymore. Since I was with Dean and Sam who were hunters. _Hooray. _

_._

I didn't feel the least bit enthusiastic when I followed Dean to the Impala. Dean, on the contrary, totally seemed to be in his element. He checked the trunk, took out several things which he placed in the front and got into the driver's seat. He even started whistling some out-of-tune metallica hit!

I shook my head and followed slowly. I mean, what else was there to do? We HAD TO destroy the book to safe all these innocent people. But this didn't change that I had a _really_ bad feeling about this plan.

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_If you don't like please tell._

_If you want me to go on, please write something...anything ... everything will be appreciated... _

_And if there's anything you dislike / hate or even love ... well, you know what to do. _


	10. Chapter 10

_I wrote this very fast, so I might update it again if I realize that I hate it by tomorrow. Hope you don't mind too much. There might also be more mistakes in it than usually, but I didn't want to take more time until updating. I'll correct the mistakes eventually, but you will just have to deal with them for now (* sorry *)... _

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_A big hug and thank you to those who took the time to post review or send me a pn. (Winchesterxgirl, I really really appreciate your comments!) _

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_I had known it in advance. _The "plan" didn't work out. I mean, it shouldn't have surprised me when just about everything went wrong. But it still did.

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"It" felt us coming. And it was prepared. First there were the dogs. Huge black beasts with nasty-looking teeth that started barking as soon as we neared the house. Then the alarm went off – as if we were bloody beginners in the business – although Dean was absolutely sure he had disabled it before opening the window. Next we couldn't find the book, although we both remembered the shelf Barring had placed it on. But, big surprise, Matt Barring had taken it to bed with him – a book bound in human skin, _yuck_ – probably to _"have a closer look at it"_, I guessed. Anyway, very soon after the alarm had started, he appeared in the door with one hand pressing his "precious" against his chest and holding a rifle in his other hand.

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"What the hell are you doing here?", he wanted to know, pointing his rifle alternately at Dean and at me. When I smelled the stench of the book, I knew that he wouldn't let it go if we asked him. "We have to have a look at the book." Dean answered. "It's terribly important and we didn't want you to have a chance of shutting the door in our faces, so we decided to come in secretly."

"Well, you should have called, because now I AM shutting the door in your face.", Barring said.

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One glance at Dean told me what he was planning. I tried to warn him, but he didn't even look at me. "No, you're _not." _He said and made a step towards Barring. Barring stepped back and lifted his rifle at Dean's face. Next moment Dean had both hands on the book and his head down while he kicked against Barring's legs to make him loose his balance.

.

It probably would have worked if there hadn't been the curse from the book that protected the idiot Barring. Barring didn't losen his grip on the book but took Dean down with him. The rifle went off but I couldn't tell whether anyone was hit.

Anyway, luck seemed to have left Barring since he went down for some seconds and loosened his grip on the book when Dean hit him with a blow to his chin.

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"Lily, hold this." Dean said and threw the book into my hands before he turned back to the fight. Behind him, Matt Barring started getting up again.

So I had no choice - I had to catch. The human leather of the cover seemed to burn in my hands. And the next moment everything went black.

I fell on my knees, but it felt as if I fell down for miles and into a bottomless pit. Suddenly the fall ended and I landed in a black mass. It felt a bit like molasses that was strangely _alive_, and it was everywhere, trying to creep into my nose and mouth. I coughed and sneezed and tried not to swallow.

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I saw my father standing in the middle of the black mass in front of me, but he wasn't really "standing" there. Because instead of his legs and feet there were strange tentacles going down from his body and disappearing into the molasses. His face looked different too, now. He had features of something that you would find in the deepest part of an ocean and in your darkest nightmares and I felt that not only his appearance, but his entire being had changed. My mind refused to accept it, but deep inside I realized that the father I had known was forever gone.

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My father had changed into a creature so horrible and disgusting that words didn't seem enough to describe what he was now.

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"Enna, come to us", he said with a voice that vibrated somewhere deep in my head and made my vision faint. "Your mother and your brother are here, too. We need your help, Enna. You must come and help us."

I was terrified. I wanted to help him, I wanted to save my family. But I was afraid of what my father had become – afraid that this_ thing_ wanted to change me, too. And somehow I knew that this was exactly what my father wanted. "No." I said. "I can't." This was when my father's voice changed from pleadingly to angry. "You can't let us die here, Enna!" He started shouting like he did when he found out that I'd read in _the book_. "It's your duty to stick to your family and save them. Don't let us down." "I don't think I can save you by becoming what you are." I answered but my father didn't listen. He alternately blamed me for starting everything with my curiousity, for letting the evil escape from the book and then accused me for being too selfish to do him this little favour. I felt tears running down my face as I cried out of sadness. I covered my ears and tried not to listen. It didn't work.

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Suddenly his voice faded and another voice became louder.

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"Lily. Wake up, Lily. Are you ok?"

_Dean._ I felt his hands on my shoulders, he was shaking me.

I tried to open my eyes, but I couldn't. The whispering had started again. The voices were talking in my head again. Only that now they were much louder than before. _"Enna, it is, right?" _They were mocking me._ "Thought you could hide from us. Thought we wouldn't find you. But you will help us now, Enna." _

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Suddenly I could open my eyes. Dean poured alcohol over the book that was lying on the ground. Then I smelled the smell of fire as he lightened a match. _"You will get up and take the book from him. You will obey us." _The voices sounded panicky now. _"You can't escape from your destiny, so don't even try." _

_._

It took almost all my strength to ignore them and stay where I was.

But I knew, if I got up now, I'd be lost forever. The voices started crying in my mind, piercingly shrill and loud and I cringed under the pain in my head, but I stayed where I was. Finally I must have blackened out, since when I woke up again, I was in the passenger seat of the impala and Dean was driving us back to the motel. The voices were still there in my head, but they kept silent as if they knew they had lost the fight.

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"What happened to Matt Barring?" I asked after I had watched Dean driving for a while. Dean pressed his lips together and didn't answer.

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"I'll tell you if _you_ tell me _what the hell_ happened to you out there." He finally said in an icy voice. "And don't even THINK about feeding me lies."

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I knew he had a right to know. I mean, he had saved me. But even if I wanted to, I didn't know how to tell him. Words didn't seem enough to describe this _thing_ that had taken my father. And there were certainly no words to describe the horror I felt when I remembered what I had seen or thought about what I might become if it got me too. How could I make him understand the _evil _I had felt there?

"I'll tell you what happened." I said in a thin voice. "Maybe tonight. But I can't talk about it right now." Dean nodded as if he had expected this. He concentrated on the road and didn't even look at me.

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Somehow this made me feel more alone than ever.

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_Like it? Want me to update sooner? Tell me..._

_Hate it? Don't care? __I mean, I've tortured you by making you read up to here, so it should be pay back time now. __Go get revenge and post a review!  
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	11. Chapter 11

_I just realized how limited my vocabulary is when I'm writing in English. It's so annoying, it made me stop updating for some time. But then, somehow, I couldn't resist any longer – hope you don't mind. ;o)_

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**Eleven**

When we entered the motel room, the smell inside hit me into the face. The stench of demon somehow seemed stronger than before. I looked around, but nothing else had changed. Sam was sitting on his bed as if we'd never left, and he was working on his laptop. I eyed him with distrust. "Anything happened while we were gone?" I asked. Sam shook his head. "No. Why?" He looked a bit too innoncent for my taste. But why should he lie? I couldn't come up with an explanation for why I didn't trust him. Dean didn't seem to notice anything strange at all. He dropped his stuff next to his bed and laid down. So maybe it was just my recent encounter with this evil what-ever-it-was being, that made me more sensitive to the smell of other evil things. The voices in my head cheered at this, mocking me. "Stupid human. You are so stupid. Stupid. Stupid.", they whispered. "Go to Sam and ask him what he's done while you were gone. If he doesn't tell, kiss him. Taste him and you'll know..." I tried not to listen to them. They were clever. They smelled the demon blood and naturally they wanted me to get closer to Sam. If I gave in to my curiousity and did something as stupid as kissing him to find out, we'd both be lost. Tainted. We were both tainted by something evil. I should remember that.

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Stop.

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I hesitated.

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What had planted the idea into my head that I even _wanted_ to kiss Sam?

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I didn't want to!

Well, okay, maybe I did. A little bit. But only because I was curious what it would be like, I think. And still. I wasn't exactly sure if I liked him that way. And anyways, I couldn't. _Tainted, remember?_, I told my idiot subconscious.

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But somebody else – _or something else_ wanted me to kiss Sam.

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****

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After we had something to eat – Sam had gotten some takeaway while we had been gone – Dean went outside to check on the weapons and Sam concentrated on his laptop again to do some more research. After a while of watching Sam, I left the motel room and followed Dean. I found him on the almost deserted parking lot, sitting lazily against the hood of the impala and cleaning a nasty-looking gun. He didn't look up when I leaned against his car next to him. But after a while, he spoke.

"Sam's acting strange lately." Dean said. "'M worried about him."

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I didn't answer, feeling guilty and selfish. Dean wanted me to save Sam. Only, I didn't know if I really wanted to save Sam. I mean, the more I got to know them, the more I felt that one day I would have to decide between them. And I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to save Sam or not. But if I decided to try, there would be a price for it.

Of course, I felt confident that Dean would be fine the way he was without my help, so sticking to Sam probably would be the more sensible choice if I wanted to help.

Only that I didn't want to choose Sam and lose Dean.

And losing Sam to some demon bitch? Couldn't bear the thought either.

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"There's only one way I can safe him." I said after a while. "I've to get very close to him. To make him trust me entirely." Hell, I wasn't even sure if that would be enough to make him lower his guards. "So, as long as he's keeping his distance from you, this might mean I won't be able to be around you as much as I've been for the last time." Dean looked up and nodded. "So you okay with it?" I asked. I wasn't sure why I felt disappointed about it. Dean laughed softly. "Hell, no. I'm not." – I felt confused. "So why do you want me to... – I don't understand." I mean, I tried to but I failed.

Dean looked up. He seemed to study my face. "Maybe I don't want to lose Sam either." He said seriously. I held my breath and waited. But he didn't say anything else. "I understand, I guess.", I said after a while.

Dean held my gaze. He didn't look away when he spoke again. "You know, if I had to decide between living and letting Sam die, or dying in his stead, you know what I'd choose. I sold my soul to safe his life, so don't even ask what I'd do to safe his soul. But if I could decide between not having you and sharing you with him, I'd absolutely choose sharing."

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I didn't even dare think what he might mean by this. And I definitely felt uncomfortable at this revelation. Somehow it didn't seem right for Dean to talk about his feelings so freely. Instinctively, I tried to brush aside the things that made me uncomfortable. I mean, by Dean – standards, he had practically spilt his guts to me! I chose to ignore this and instead tried to lighten the situation.

"Maybe you are right and everything's not as bad as I thought." I said, trying desperately to sound cheerful. Maybe I wouldn't have to decide between them. Maybe everything could stay the way it was. I got up and went inside to look for Sam.

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Yeah, and maybe hell froze over and I'd win the lottery and be a billionaire by the end of next week. It would never work.

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****

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I was half through the door when the real magnitude of Dean's words hit me. Had he really said that he wanted to "have" me? I couldn't believe that. And anyways, he hadn't said "I want to have you". So maybe it didn't mean anything.

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But still, there had been this look on his face, when I got up and went to check on Sam. When I was behaving as if he had never said anything. He had looked at me in a ... very strange way that I somehow couldn't interpret.

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****

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"Hi.", I said. Sam looked up from his laptop. I could see that he was surprised that I'd left Dean sitting outside alone and come back to talk to him. And there was something else I could see on his face. I swallowed when I realized how beautiful his eyes were.

"You know that I hoped we'd have another opportunity to talk?", he asked in his deep soft voice. I shook my head no. "But I've got some things I'd like to ask you, too." Sam smiled at me. My knees suddenly felt weak and my heart had started beating so fast that I feared he must hear it. "Shoot." Sam said.

I shook my head again. "You go first." Sam grinned.

"Okay..." he typed something on his laptop and then turned it, so that I could see the monitor. "What do you know about a Professor Mischo?" He asked. I tried not to look too disappointed when I saw what he meant. I studied the article with the picture of a face that I had once known so well and tried my best to put on an innocent face. "Why are you asking me this? Because he's German?" "Partly." Sam seemed to study my face. I took a deep breath. "Very well. I'll tell you what I know if you tell me what you've done while we were gone. What has made the smell of demon on you become stronger. And WHY you did what you did."

Sam sighed. "Deal?" I asked. He gave me a strange look. "Deal.", he finally agreed.

.

"Professor Mischo was my grandfather." I said, feeling uncomfortable that I had to give away something so dangerously intimate. "He probably would have been the only person to believe me what had happened – if the evil hadn't gotten him first. I'm not sure how I knew – must have felt it the way I smell the demon blood on you – but I knew that I couldn't ask him for help. So I never contacted him. You probably know more about him than I do. – Now it's your turn."

Sam still looked at me. "You wouldn't understand." He whispered. "I want to be strong. I want to be able to fight if necessary." "And you got addicted to the power the blood gives you." I continued for him. "But I still don't understand how you do it."

"Ruby." Sam said softly. He came closer with each word. I shifted, feeling uneasy. "Ruby gives it to me." He still came closer and closer and bend down to me, until strands of his brown hair brushed my face. "And you're right: It's addicting. Like you are." I would have made a comment about him using this cheesy line. But having said this, Sam's arms got around me and his lips crushed down on my mouth, so I kind of didn't have the time to answer. I had never felt like this before – except, maybe, when Dean had kissed me. His kiss was sweet and addicting like a drug, and although I knew it was dangerous, I couldn't gather the strength to stop and move away.

Then something seemed to change. His kiss became more aggressive, and when I finally tried to pull away, Sam wouldn't let me. He moaned as if in pain and tightened his grip around me. Confused I looked into his eyes. And realized that he was losing control.  
At first I didn't understand. How could this be? Was the evil in his blood so strong that even with his new mark he wasn't able to control it? How was this possible?

Then the _thing _started to invade my head, too. I struggled in my fight to keep it out, but it was impossible. It felt like a knife cutting its way through my brain. The pain grew and grew and suddenly it was so strong that I knew I couldn't stand it any longer. I was loosing it, too.

.

Then Sam was above me, pressing me down with his weight so I couldn't move. He started undressing me with his knife. When he shrugged out of his T-shirt, my eyes lasted for a second on his bare chest and the scar on it.

.

The scar I had caused him to wear; the scar that should have avoided us getting into a situation like this.

.

But the scar had been changed.

.

Part of it had been removed, so that it wouldn't work anymore in the way it had been intended. I stared at the sign in shock. Something seemed to have gone terribly wrong.

.

The next seconds seemed like hours during which I realized two things:

First, Sam - the always considerate and loving Sam - isn't in control anymore.

And second, I can't save him if he doesn't want to be saved.

.

This reminded me of Dean _(who seemed to be always in control)_ and my mind became clear for a sec. I started fighting again but there was no escape from Sam's ironlike grip. _Dean_. I called out for him but I hadn't much hope that he'd hear me and come to my rescue. Nevertheless, I had to try. For my own sake as well as for the sake of Sam.

.

I already felt Sam pushing against me – I didn't want to think about which part of his body I felt there between my legs, but it somehow felt hot and hard - and the only thing I could think was that I had never wanted it to happen this way.

.

How could I have been so stupid to think I could handle this?

.

It was the last sane thought before the "thing" in my head took over again. "We can help you." The voices whispered. "We can show you how to use your powers. You can kill him, you know." It was tempting, getting out of this situation, saving myself... But at the same time I knew that giving in would be my end. And Sam's.  
SHUT UP, I cried, hoping against reason Sam would somehow still be able to fight the thing possessing him. But no sound came out of my mouth.

.

Suddenly Sam's weight was lifted from me. Next moment Dean and Sam were in a fight. My clothes were ripped, so I wrapped a blanket around me and got up. What I saw almost let my heart stop.

With Sam's new powers, Dean wasn't the better fighter anymore. Sam just lifted his hand and let Dean's body smash against the wall. When he tightended his grip, Dean started choking. I couldn't believe it: Sam was strangling him! And the way it looked, he would kill his own brother if he wasn't stopped in time.

Panicking, I grabbed the next thing I could find and, from the behind, smashed it with all I had on Sam's head. Since I had gotten the little wooden night stand, it worked nicely. Sam fell down with a last unhappy grunt.

.

The blanket had fallen on the floor, but I neither noticed nor cared. I just had eyes for Dean who was lying on the floor on one side of the room and who wasn't moving. I knelt next to him and felt his pulse. He was still alive. And he was breathing, thank god.  
After I had tied Sam to a chair and drawn a pentacle on the floor around him, I went back to check again on Dean. It worried me to death that he still hadn't moved.

.

But when I stood in front of him I saw that his eyes were open. Probably he had been watching me for some time. He smiled broadly. "I must have died and gone to heaven.", he said and gave me another long onceover.

.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you", I chirped with the patience I usually could only bring up when dealing with children or insane. "But you know that only in your weirdest dreams I would be so stupid to walk around naked in front of you."

.

Dean smirked. "It's the result that counts. And I like the result. Much."

I rolled my eyes.

.

"I think at the moment we have more pressing matters to deal with than discussing my style of not clothing.", I said, looking at the unconscious Sam.

.

This effectively wiped away Dean's smirk and sobered him up immediately. But this time I got no satisfaction from it. "What happened?" he asked concerned.

"We got a bit closer and he lost control." I said. "I didn't expect this damn idiot to be so f-ing stupid to remove the sign I gave him." Dean looked devastated.

"I don't understand. Why? How could he do it? I mean, he KNEW that it was dangerous."

"There's something else he has done." I said. "It has made the evil in him stronger. I don't know exactly how they did it, but Ruby gave him some... demon blood, if I understood him correctly. I smelled it when I entered the room this morning."

"He has done...what?" Dean looked shocked for a moment. He looked at the unconscious form of his brother. "Oh, Sammy... How can you be so..." "Stupid?", I offered. "Moronic? SUCH A F***ing IDIOT?" Dean wiped his face with his hand and nodded weakly. The next second he had himself under control again. "So, any idea what can we do now?"

.

"First I'm going to get into some jeans and a t-shirt." I answered, looking for my duffel bag.

"Don't bother." Dean said, back to his old self again. "I kind of like you running around naked."

I ignored him. Having spied my duffel under a chair in a corner, I went to get it. "Then we wake Sammy up and ask him what the hell he was thinking." I continued.

"I like that." Dean said. "What about the price for your savior?"  
I rolled my eyes. "Will you ever give up this game?"

.

"It's no game." Dean said, suddenly serious. "At least to me, it's not."

.

"Yeah, sure.", I said unconvinced.

.

****

.

_._

_No, I won't ask you to review. Begging doesn't seem to work. Neither does threatening not to write a word "ever again". So I won't try that either._

_But you really really could totally tell me where YOU think this story might be going! I'm not trying to steal ideas from your mind, I'm just interested in whether I told it in the right way. _

_Well, and maybe your answer might make me change a thing or two and make the story better._


	12. Chapter 12

**Twelve**

When I checked on Sam next time, he was awake. He turned his head, trying not to let me look into his face. "I'm sorry, Lily." The words were almost unhearable, but I still caught them. "I know." I answered softly. "It wasn't you." Sam still looked away. "No. It wasn't me. I tried to fight it, but-" His voice broke.

I waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

"What I'd like to know is, what did make you remove the protective sign I gave you in the first place?"

Sam kept silent. I understood. The part of him that I had shortly glimpsed at was gone again and back in charge was whatever force was controlling him.

"Do you by chance have any idea what the motives of this Ruby-bitch are?" I asked,

but I didn't expect him to answer. Somehow I was getting angrier by each minute that passed. "Fine.", I said. "Then this time, I'm going to exorcise YOU."

.

This part seemed to get to him since I saw his eyes grow big in panic. "No. You can't.", he pleaded. "Please – just don't."

.

I opened my mouth for a mean retort – I mean, after all, he kind of owed me big time, so I thought it just fair to make him suffer a bit – but at this moment the bathroom door opened and Dean entered the room, wearing only a towel and a lot of nasty-looking bruises.

I tried not to stare, but it was kind of hard, with his perfect abs and his well-shaped upper body and the muscles and all. I caught myself following with my eyes a kind of trail down from his belly button. Of course he noticed it – his trademark smirk grew broader and broader. I felt my face burn hot and hastily concentrated on other parts of him.

.

There was something on his shoulder, looking like a huge burn shaped like a hand, but it might have been the dim light combined with my crazy imagination that came up with this association.

.

"Dean, your brother is begging me not to exorcise him." I said, because _everything_ was better than being caught staring at him like this.

.

It worked perfectly. Dean froze instantly and the smile on his face disappeared immediately. Instead he looked shocked. "What did you just say?"

.

"I said that I want to exorcise him and he doesn't seem too thrilled at the idea.", I answered.

"You can't exorcise him, he's no demon." Dean said. I frowned. "Part of him is.", I replied gravely. "And besides, he seems to think otherwise." I glanced at Sam. He looked desperate. "You better relax, Sammy." I said acidly, using Dean's pet name on him on purpose because I knew he hated it. "This is gonna hurt. Big time." Which was a huge understatement, since it would simply rip him apart. Sam went white when he realized that I really would do it. I mean, I didn't want him to die, but I was kind of out of alternatives. It was the last resort, and I just prayed that enough of him was left to stay behind for him to survive.

.

"Wait a minute." Dean interrupted. "You plan to do WHAT? And you want to do this HOW?" "Dean." Sam looked at him pleadingly. "It's going to kill me. Please. Don't let her." Dean closed his eyes. Then he looked at me. "I want to talk to you. Now. Let's get out." He nodded at the door.

Outside he looked at me gravely. "Is he right?"

_Hi guys, I know I was off for a long time... I got a little baby boy who takes up a lot of time plus there's my job (I'm still working full-time), so there was like NO time to update. But now things are a bit more relaxed again, so I looked up ,y profile and there still were some reviews from you, and they made me start writing again. So you'll probably read more from me soon..._


	13. Chapter 13

Dean looked at me gravely. "Is Sam right? Can exorcising his demon part kill him?" I looked at the ground and wished to god I did know. "Honestly, I have no idea.", I admitted. "But I'm not going to take any chances on Sam's life. I will start with some cleansing rituals."

"And if they don't work?" Sometimes I wish Dean wasn't as clever as he is.

"Then we will try exorcism." I said. "But -" I held my hand up when I saw his face and knew he was about to protest - "you'll test it first on me."

"On you?"

I knew he would ask this question. And I knew that somehow and somewhen I had to tell him about my past. But not out here in the parking lot of a rundown motel and not in the motel room with Sam having this evil being inside his head listening. I pondered my options. "I want to tell you." I finally said. "But we have to find a place where we can't be overheard. And I don't know whether we should leave Sam alone."

Dean nodded. "I can accept that. But if you are really willing to tell me I've got an idea."

I gulped. But I wouldn't go back on what I'd said. "I've never told the story.", I murmured. "I've even tried not to think about it. But after all that has happened, and more important, regarding the things that might yet happen, you should know."

Dean flashed me one of his rare high voltage smiles. "Then I'm going to rent us a second motel room where we can have that talk."

While he was gone, I had some time to think. Not much, but enough time to get even more nervous than before. Would he be mad at me? Appalled? Would he stop liking me? For some seconds I even thought about running again. But as soon as the idea of running from the Winchesters crossed my mind I rejected it.

Then Dean was standing in front of me again. "I checked on Sam. He's sleeping soundly and everything around him is still in its place." He informed me. "And I've got this here." He showed me the key. "It's two rooms to the left."

After Dean had unlocked the door, I went straight to the bed and sat down. Dean quickly checked the room, then he sat down next to me. "You look nervous." he observed. "Yeah." I answered, not knowing what else to say. "That's probably because I AM nervous."

There followed a short time of silence.

"Okay, here's the story.", I began. "But remember, I haven't ever told this to anyone. So don't blame me too much for not telling you. I always got the feeling the less I thought about it, the less power I gave to IT." Dean nodded. "Understood. Now stop worrying, Lily." He took my shoulders and pushed me back on the bed. Then he laid down next to me and put his arm around my waist. "Much better", he murmured. I sighed.

"First of all, my name isn't Lily."

Dean's hand that had started caressing my head halted. I waited for him to say something or to show a reaction but he didn't move. He seemed to realize that I was waiting for something. "I'm still listening." he said calmly.

I decided to do it fast, like ripping off a bandaid.

"My name is Enna Mischo. And yes, I'm the granddaughter of the professor Mischo Sam found on the web. That is, if Sam has told you he found my grandfather. But that is pretty much all I know about him. I know that he was a parapsychologist working at a German university and that he died some years ago, but I haven't spoken to him for many years."

Dean still didn't move. "Go on.", he whispered. "Now I really want to hear the rest."

"There's this demon." I started. "It lurks inside of certain books. Evil books. They are cursed - or better, they'll bring a curse upon everyone who opens or even touches them. There are not many copies left on earth, most have been destroyed. But about a handful of these books might still exist. Matthew Barring had one. If someone opens the book and starts reading it the evil power somehow connects with this person's mind. It's even enough to just look at the pictures. The readers of these books start to change. They change into something ugly and evil. It feels like tar dropping into your mind and poisoning you. Only burning the book can save you and cut the connection. But once the demon knows about you, it will try to find you again. It will follow you wherever you run and hide."

"And where are you in this story?" Dean asked in a low voice. He seemed to be a bit absent, as if deep in thought.

"I'm running." I said. "Or, at least I have been running. Until I met you and Sam. I figured if you forget about yourself, erase your name, your identity and past completely from your mind, then the evil thing might perhaps not be able to find you anymore."

"Why was it chasing you at all?" Dean asked.

"Because I had secretly slipped into my father's library and looked at the book. It almost got me, and when my father found out, he did the only thing to save me. He burned the book and told me to run. The demon was furious. My parents died that night. And my little brother."

My throat felt sore and I had to stop. There were the tears waiting again. But I didn't want to cry. Not now and not in front of Dean. I waited for a while. Dean was silent, too.

Finally I could speak again.

"I was quite young at that time." I explained. "I went from one city to another, slept in barns or abandoned buildings. Sometimes I'd let them lock me up in museums or other public buildings. After tramping across Europe I ended up in Scotland. There it almost got me - that's why I decided to get on a flight to the US. I had met some people who could forge passports and so on. And luckily enough that was before they started toughing up the entry restrictions or it would never have worked." Dean cleared his throat. "And what makes you think you'd need an exorcism on yourself?" I winced. "Because after holding the book back at Barring's farm it's back in my mind again." I answered. "I can keep it under control, but if its power ever grows I'll be lost. And it's better to die from being ripped apart than to change into the thing it wants me to become."

Dean's arm around me tightened. "I'll make sure you don't get ripped apart.", he whispered into my ear. For some reason he sounded almost relieved. "And we'll get the bastard. Tomorrow we'll get everything neccessary." And suddenly I felt that everything would end well. I relaxed and savored this strange and comforting feeling of safety that I felt when Dean held me like this. For a while neither of us wanted to move.

Finally I broke the silence. "Thanks. For listening, I mean. And for being here. And all the rest, I guess. Taking me with you."

"Don't worry about it. It's nice having you around." Dean sighed.

"If you don't have any more dark secrets to tell, I'll have to go and check on Sam", he said in a low voice.

"But then I'm coming back." He seemed to study my face.

"That is, if you want me to."

.

My heart stopped beating for a second. Suddenly there seemed not to be enough air anymore. I opened my mouth to answer him but no sound came out. So I just looked into his eyes and nodded.


	14. Chapter 14

_**Hey, I'm back again... I got a bit depressed over my lack of ability and so I mostly read and reviewed a lot of stories from other people lately. (Yes, I'm fishing for REVIEWS here in a very plump way. So what?) Anyways, in case there actually was anyone who wanted to read on, sorry for not updating my own stories for such a long time. Thanks everyone who rewiewed a chapter so far, writing and reading here seems like the only thing that keeps me sane **__**sometimes**_.

_**Oh, and by the way, warning: Cheesy stuff ahead.  
**_

_- Inside the Motel Room, Enna's POV_

Dean brought a small packet of salt with him when he came back. He smiled at me shortly and then began salting the door. When he had finished, he put one of the two chairs in front of the door, climbed on it and drew a devils's trap on the ceiling. He used grey chalk on the former white ceiling, so if you didn't know it was there you wouldn't notice it. The _He_way he acted, this seemed to be the _Winchester routine_ Sam had told me of.

Watching him calmed me down a bit. When he had finished with the entrance door, he disappeared into the small bathroom, probably to repeat the routine on the window there. I sat down on the left chair and stared at my hands. This was kind of awkward.

.

"Sammy was still snoring", Dean's voice came happily from out of the bathroom "I renewed your protection symbols on Sammy's chest with a waterproof marker. And I locked away everything he could use to free himself. So this should hold him for some hours."

I gulped. Hours that Dean intended to spend with me.

Don't get me wrong, being held in his arms earlier was the best feeling I'd ever had. But I wasn't sure if I was up to whatever he expected from me. So with every second that I waited for him to finish in the bathroom I got more nervous. When he finally came out swinging the empty packed of salt triumphantly, I was trembling.

Of course he noticed. "What's wrong, Enna?" He asked. Hearing him call me by my real name somehow made it even worse. I gulped for air again. "Nothing", I whispered.

Before I could think of anything else he was in front of me, his hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look at his face. "What are you afraid of?" I just shook my head and shrugged, hoping he'd let it go. But of course he didn't. He didn't move. And he waited.

Now this was getting really embarrassing. "It's just ..." I finally managed to get it out but since I tried to say it as quickly as possible it came out as one fast and very long word.

"What did you just say?" Dean looked confused. "Care to repeat this in English?"

"Satanists still like to sacrifice me." I repeated so he could understand it, feeling the familar hot burning sensation on my entire face.

Slowly I saw understanding dawning on his face.

"Well, that's... rare." He said sounding a bit hoarse. "But, you know..." Dean cleared his throat and looked down. When he looked up again, the trademark-grin was back on his face, "I might know a way to protect you from those satanists. And from hungry dragons too."

"There are dragons?" I asked. Dean smiled. "Actually I don't know", he answered in a low voice. "But since we now know that angels exist I guess..." His lips almost touched mine now and the feeling sent a shivering wave of liquid fire through my body. "...one can never be too careful."

I smiled at him. "This might really come in handy then", I wispered back. "In case there are dragons, I mean." His eyes locked with mine and all I could think was, oh my god, he's going to kiss me, Dean's going to kiss me.

.

When he finally did, I still wasn't prepared for it. The feeling was so overwhelming that I thought I might faint. It was even better than the first time. Dean seemed to feel it too.

I think this time neither of us could have stopped. Even if Sam had been standing next to us yelling at us on top of his lungs. "Not natural again?", I asked worriedly a long time later when we stopped for some air. Dean nodded out of breath. "Definitely not natural", he confirmed. "But this time there's no demon involved either. This is just you and me."

Then his lips crushed on mine again and there wasn't any time for thinking about what he'd said. Our shirts went on a pile together with our shoes, jeans and socks. I didn't feel his fingers unhook my bra, but suddenly it was dangling useless from my shoulders waiting to be slipped down. We tumbled on the bed and for a second I wondered how right and natural everything felt with Dean. Then he started touching me and all I could do was hold on to him and let go of every other thought.

.

Later we drifted to sleep, our arms and legs still dangled into another. I woke when I felt Dean moving slightly under the blanket. "I need to go check on Sam", he whispered and kissed my forehead. "I'll be back soon. Don't you dare moving." I heard Dean get up and open the door with almost no sound. That's when I realized that I felt whole for the first time in my life. With a stupid smile on my face I drifted back to sleep.

.

"You know", I heard Dean whisper when I woke again. He was laying next to me and probably he thought that I was still sleeping and couldn't hear him. "I shouldn't have done this. You're seventeen, for god's sake, you're underage and I really should know better. I mean, this was all wrong." He sighed and I didn't dare to breath. "But crazy thing is, it didn't feel wrong. It felt all right. Perfect. I don't know how you feel about me, but... - Anyways, whatever this is with us, I'm not going to throw it away."


	15. Chapter 15

_Yay, I'm back again...! But I'm also desperate. I don't know which turn to take from now on. I've already written several (totally different!) versions of the next chapter and I simply can't decide. So I'll put up a vote at the end of the text and let YOU decide which one I should upload. _

_._

* * *

_.  
_

The next morning I woke up in an empty bed and heard the shower running. While I got up and looked for some clean clothes I heard the shower stop. After a minute the bathroom door opened and out came Dean, wearing nothing but a low riding towel. "Like what you see?", he winked at me. "I should check on Sam again soon. So please don't make me drop that." I blushed and quickly escaped into the bathroom. I heard Dean laughing. "I'm getting some breakfast", he said. "Meet me next door when you've finished." I waited but the feeling stayed. Something inside of me had changed. I felt whole, the taint of evil that I'd always felt inside was gone.

When I entered the other motel room, Dean was gone and there was breakfast on the table as well as a note. _"Someone called about a case in the area & I need to go and talk to them. Got your list & will get everything. Back in about 2 hours."_

I had written down everything I thought we might need for performing a cleansing ritual and an exorcism. If Dean managed to get at least most of the things we'd start with the rituals as soon as Dean was back.

Nevertheless now I had a bad feeling about this. Yesterday I had insisted that we'd try out the ritual on me first. But today things looked different since I didn't feel tainted anymore. I couldn't feel any of taint of evil inside of me. And it felt like it was gone for good. But how was this possible?

I sat down at the table watching Sam while I pondered the possible explanations.

Sam still was chained to the bed the way Dean had left him last night. He pretended to be asleep but I could just sense him being wide awake. If he was himself he was probably right now blaming himself for every sin ever commited on this earth - he was this kind of guy. If he wasn't Sam he was probably going through a long list of evil plans deciding which one to realize first. But the protection symbols Dean had drawn last night on Sam's naked chest seemed still untouched. So maybe he was Sam right now. I felt a strange warm feeling inside at the thought while I studied Sam.

And suddenly I couldn't understand how we hadn't come up with it earlier. The answer was love. A lot of the cleansing rituals and exorcisms based on the love for nature and the power of life. Love was a mighty force if you believed in this paranormal stuff.

So me being with Dean last night must have set some power free - at least this was the only explanation I could think of.

But if it had been enough to save me - why hadn't Dean's love for Sam been enough to rid Sam of the demon's taint? And how come there hadn't been at least one woman in Sam's life who'd loved him enough to achieve the same effect?

"Breakfast, Sam?" I asked him while I tried to come up with a solution for these questions. When he didn't anwer I smiled. "I know that you're awake, so stop pretending."

This finally did the work. Sam opened his eyes. But out of all possible reactions, what he did next I hadn't expected. He looked at me pleadingly with these puppy dog eyes that could make your heart melt. "Please, Lily. Just kill me", he said gravely. "Dean won't be able to do it. And I can't control it much longer."

I stared at him. "Sam", I whispered.

"Please." He was begging now. "If you ever felt anything for me, Lily - please do it."

I couldn't believe my luck. Sam was back. Finally. At this moment I knew I could never ever kill him.

"I'll help you", I croaked because I couldn't seem to find my voice. "If you let me."

Sam nodded. "Do it then", he said. "I'll hold on to it." For a moment I felt like I could drown in his wonderful brown eyes. "And Lily... I know you are good at disappearing. Dean will hunt you. But he won't get you if you don't want to be caught. Promise me to run after you've done it."

"I promise", I said, because I'd have to leave after I'd done what I had to.

Maybe it had been me. Maybe with the help of Dean's love I had been finally able to push out everything evil. Because no matter how Dean was going to call it - it had felt like love last night. And maybe, just maybe ... the same kind of love could save Sam. But did I love him enough?

Sam closed his eyes and waited. It took me a second to understand that he expected me to kill him right away - and another to realize that he really, truly was in control at the moment. I didn't hesitate. I probed with my mind. No walls. He completly trusted me. He hadn't trusted me to save him. But now he trusted me to kill him. I swallowed while I thought about my options.

First, I needed a distraction to make him keep the walls down even if he sensed me enter. Ergo it had to be strong distraction that kept his mind completly occupied. Second, I needed to be connected to him in some way. Unfortunately I wasn't sure if holding his hand would be enough. And I wouldn't get a second chance. So taking any risk wouldn't be an option.

The safest way to do it would be having sex with him. But this was also the only thing I couldn't do. Maybe, if I hadn't spent the last night with Dean. But I couldn't change what had happened last night. And to be honest, I didn't want to. Anyway, whatever I decided, I had to decide it now, there wasn't much time. Suddenly my throat felt far too dry.

.

* * *

.

_So now it's up to you: _

_Shall she (a) come up with a clever solution to this problem? _

_Or should she (b) risk loosing Dean and just go for the "easy way" (warning: smut might follow)? _

_Or is (c) her whole theory pure bullshit and there really is no way to "exorcise" demon blood out of someone? _

_You can also vote (d) and wait what else I can up with. But right now, I NEED some feedback. Please, review!_

_Rules are: Whatever answers I get from you, I'll go for. If there is more than one opinion, I'll go for the one that convinces me most. _


	16. Chapter 16

_**Hi my dear readers. I don't know how many of you are still out there and I know nothing can make up for abandoning a story at a point like this. So I won't even try explaining further - life got in the way, as always.  
Plus, I personally ended up liking my smut version (b) so much that I didn't even want to go for any other solution. Which wouldn't have agreed with what you had voted for. So now I found a way of combining a bit of everything - hopefully it won't be too lame.**_

_**.**_

Did I love Sam enough to do this? When I looked at him again I knew the answer was yes. I didn't know how this could be since I had only met them days before and I already loved Dean with that same strange power. And I couldn't betray Dean. Not like this.

.

_Distraction. Think, Enna._

.

Maybe I didn't need to go all the way with Sam. But however far I went, it would still be too far to look into Dean's eyes afterwards. Which meant that I had to leave after I had done what I felt I had to do. Because even though Dean had mumbled something about "sharing" me with Sam when we were having this strange talk outside the motel room before Sam had attacked me, I didn't think he meant it that way. Sure, he had been desperate at the moment. But that didn't mean it counted.

.

I knew I had to act before he put up his walls again.

So I silently took the big knife out of the drawer and started cutting Sam's clothes away. He opened his eyes again. "What are you doing, Lily?" he asked. "I'm going to make it as painless as possible for you", I answered. "I'll do it the moment you are on a real high." Sam gulped. "You mean you want to...?" He blushed a bit.

I smiled and blushed too. "It's not really a big sacrifice, you know", I admitted secretly appreciating the sight of his rippled abs and toned chest. His jeans were gone already and there were just his boxers left. Suddenly the air around me felt too dry. "Most women would happily die for seeing what I can see now."

Sam looked at me unbelievingly. "Seriously? That's how you see me after all that's happened?"

I nodded.

When I pulled my T-shirt over my head, his eyes went wide and his eyebrows shot up. He studied me as if he expected that this might just be a cruel joke and Dean would jump out of a corner making fun of him every minute.

"I'm serious", I said quietly. "But you need to stay in control, Sam. As long as possible."

He nodded silently and swallowed again. When I looked down into his wonderful dark eyes I felt like drowning again.

Slowly I straddled him, and for a second I regretted not wearing jeans today. My skirt was riding up high and through the fabric of my panties I felt far too much of him.  
I made sure to sit a bit above the line at which his boxers began and sighed inwardly. I had to make this believable or he would catch me. I took a deep breath - then I opened my bra.

Sam closed his eyes as if he was in pain. "Well then", he whispered finally when he opened his eyes again. "Since it's the last moments of my life, I'm not going to waste them by rejecting what you're offering. Kiss me, Lily."

.

I did and our tongues met. The next moment I felt like I was on fire. And again I wasn't able to stop the kiss.

What was it with these guys that made me go crazy? I'd never been like this. First Dean, now Sam - this was slutty even by low standards. Up until yesterday I had been a freaking virgin, for God's sake.

Sam moaned. "Lily..."

And I knew this was the moment. I deepened the kiss and at the same time moved behind the walls and through his mind. He didn't even notice what I was doing. Instead he moaned into my mouth and kissed me back as if his life depended on it. The feeling of having Sam's tongue in my mouth while I was inside his mind was indescribable. Images and thoughts exploded around me and inside my head at the same time.

I let my hands roam over his toned chest and down along his legs, accidently touching him through the fabric of his boxer shorts. Sam broke the kiss bucking into me. He took a sharp breath and for a moment it seemed as if he was losing control.

"Don't let go", I whispered, kissing his bare chest. "I want you to hold on a little longer."

I cringed inwardly as I registered my words - I was acting like a slut. Sam just nodded without opening his eyes.

But then he started kissing my neck and touching me as much as his chained hands would allow. I thought I'd pass out. It took all my self-control to let him go on and concentrate on my task. When he started grinding and moving in slow circles under me, I closed my eyes and just tried to ignore what he was doing to my body. I should have known that puny handcuffs wouldn't keep Sam from taking care of a girl.

When I thought I couldn't hold back much longer, I suddenly felt it: A black and molasses-like tar, hiding somewhere far back in his mind. I called it to me and collected every drop of it until nothing was left. I tasted sulfur in my mouth but I knew it would be gone once I had finished.

"Please. Lily." Sam whispered, nibbling at my earlobe. "Please..."

I cursed silently. He wouldn't let me play my game much longer. As fast as possible I gathered the rest of the tar. Then I took it out with me and finally let go.

And suddenly it was impossible to ignore what Sam's movements were doing to my body. I knew I made embarrassing noises and even grinded into him while he kissed and licked and bit my neck. Then the waves came crushing down on me. I screamed his name and the love I felt for him was so overwhelming that it almost ripped me appart.

.

I blacked out for a moment, so I have no idea what his reaction to this was. When I came to only seconds later, I hastily crawled down from a very confused and very exhausted looking Sam. Without a word I sprinted into the bathroom where I vomited black tar for what felt likes ages.

.

.

Finally I walked back into the room on shaky legs. Sam still hadn't moved. He looked at me with wide eyes full of something I couldn't place. I quickly looked down.

I felt so embarrassed and ashamed for what I'd just done that I couldn't meet his eyes. I mean, if nothing else, he had to feel used. I had lead him on, had made him believe I actually wanted to have sex with him - and then stopped as soon as I had had my fun.

This was the moment I should probably explain what I had done and that it hadn't been real. That I'd just pretended to save him. Only that I couldn't do this. Because it wasn't the truth.

.

I felt his eyes on me while I grabbed my bra and T-shirt and hastily dressed.

I felt terrible for what I'd done, but at the same time, in a twisted and crazy way, it felt like I'd done the right thing.

.

When I sat down next to him on the bed, Sam kept staring at me. "You didn't even try to kill me", he finally broke the silence.

I nodded.

"You saved me", Sam continued. "You just did what everybody thought was impossible. You saved me."

I nodded again although I hadn't expected him to realize it that fast. So it had really worked? I knew it had, but I still couldn't believe it. I bent over him and sniffed.

"You don't reek of demon anymore", I said lightly. "Thank goodness - I really wouldn't have stood the smell any longer."

.

Sam smiled at me - and for the first time since I had met him he looked sincerly happy.

"I guess we won't be needing these anymore", he said and looked at the iron shackles that chained his hands and feet to the bed.

With this look on his face it was hard to go through with what I had to do now.

"I think we do", I said.

"What? Why?" He asked dumbfounded.

"Because you probably won't let me run."

.

"Run?" Sam looked at me in confusion. "But you don't need to run, you didn't kill me."

"Yeah", I said sadly. "But I cheated on Dean."

"Cheated? But you guys aren't together... - oh... shit."

He looked at me. "Last night?"

.

I nodded and tried to keep the tears from running. I swallowed. "I have to go now."

.

"Lily, don't go", he extended his hands as far as the iron shackles would allow him, but of course he didn't even reach me.

"We'll sort it out. We'll find a solution. It wasn't even real sex, just making out. Dean will understand."

.

I shook my head. "No. Don't you understand, Sam. What I've done... with you... it wasn't just pretending to save you from this demon stuff. It was cheating."

I started putting the few things I had unpacked into my duffel and zipped it. "And that's why I have to leave now. I won't come between you and Dean."

Sam's eyes looked suspiciously wet. "Lily. Don't do this", he begged.

.

"My name's not Lily." I answered opening the door.

"What is it then?"

"Ask Dean. And tell him... - no, don't tell him anything."

.

For a moment I almost laughed when I looked at Sam laying there, chained to his bed, wearing only his boxers with a very telltale stain on them. I wondered what words he would use to explain to Dean what had happened.

But whatever he'd say, it wouldn't change anything.

I closed the door behind me and started running.


	17. Chapter 17

**To ****serenity233, ShayShayCoolAy, SomebodyWhoCares and all the others who still read but didn't review: **

**Thank you all so much for encouraging to keep writing this story!**

**I'm not yet happy with this chapter, so I might reread it by next weekend, correct some of the mistakes (hopefully there aren't too many) and maybe change some things. ****Anyway, here it is...**

* * *

**.**

I played the final chord of the song and glanced at the audience. Some people were clapping and a few guys whistled. But mostly the guys hanging out in this bar just kept talking and drinking as before. Since that was what I'd been hired for - playing some nice background music - I didn't really aim at people watching my performance too closely. So I always kept my songs light and nice and stuck to the ones the bar owner asked for. Mostly they asked for easy to play country songs and rock ballads anyway. Which was fine with me since I hadn't done this for a while.

I exited the stage and went through the back door where Tom, the owner, was waiting.

"I liked that", he said with a smile. "But I think next time you could go for something that brings out your voice better. You're good, but you're not really showing it."

I shrugged and held out my hand.

"Whatever you say. As long as you're paying me, you're the boss."

Tom chuckled and handed me the bills. "Take care, girly. See you tomorrow?"

I nodded, carefully pocketing the money. "I'll be in this town for two more nights."

Tom flashed his teeth which were surprisingly white. "Then we have a deal. Two more performances. Here's a list of songs I chose for the next time."

He handed me a sheet of paper. As I took a look at it, I took in a sharp breath.

"What? Can't you do it?"

I shook my head. "No. Of course I can. It's just... you really meant what you said earlier. These songs require some serious singing."

Tom grinned. "I've a good friend coming in tomorrow. He owns a club in New York city, so I'd like to impress him. And you might be able to perform at his club if you ever wanted to."

.

I nodded and walked towards the back door of the bar. "Well, then I'll make sure not to embarrass you" I said, opening the door.

I thought I heard him mumbling something like "You won't, kiddo".

But I could have misheard it.

Outside there was a guy waiting for me. He was obviously drunk since he couldn't really walk straight.

"Hey baby, you were that chick that sung in there, weren't you? That was hot", he slurred, coming closer.

I looked around. It was only a few steps to my car, but it wouldn't be close enough.

Carefully I put down my guitar. I had just gotten it some weeks ago, since I had lost my last one some days before I met the Winchesters when some idiot had raided my motel room. Another reason for prefering to sleep in my car instead of staying at some shady motel.

"Go away and leave me alone", I said, taking out the small can of pepper spray I always carried in my pocket.

My consumption of pepper spray had magically shot up to the sky lately. I guess this were the drawbacks for not having anything evil inside of me anymore, people no longer subconsciently kept their distance from me. That's also the reason why hustling pool no longer was an option.

.

Anyway, this guy wasn't a problem. He was so drunk that I didn't even need my spray to distract him. I just gave him a good shove and while he was still fighting against gravity, I grabbed my guitar, ran to my car and jumped in. Still, this was slowly getting on my nerves. This was the umpteenth time some asshole had tried to possibly rape me. If not for my fighting skills and the pepper spray they would have succeeded.

.

Back at the motel I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I really missed travelling with Sam and Dean. It had been a few weeks since I'd left them. At first I had been careful as usual, getting a new phone, using different disguises and even ditching my car and getting another old one instead. But then it became clearer and clearer to me that there really was nothing supernatural following me anymore. No evil voices whispering in my mind, no nightmares - I was free and there was no way this demon (or whatever it had been) could get to me again.

I had checked into the motel under the name "Christine Leroux", but apart from that I knew I was getting sloppy. I often even went without wigs or disguise and just dressed as myself, wild and fiery red curls and everything.

.

But I was only being careless in this aspect of my life. As a hunter I prided myself to be as professional as you could ever be. Yes, right. I was hunting. It was the only thing I really knew to do. Except singing in cheap bars to pay for gas, food and the occasional cheap motel room as I had done in my last years in Europe.

I used everything the trickster had taught me and everything I'd learned by watching Dean and Sam. And at the job I sometimes even wore disguise, especially when dealing with cops or other officials. It's better to know that you won't be recognized by anyone if you ever had to come back.  
.

So of course it had to be during the simple salt and burn one night later (and when I least expected it) when I ran into Sam and Dean again. What can I say, feeling safe makes you act careless.

.

* * *

.

After the perfomance at Tom's bar I'd headed to the local cementary to do my "real" job. Tom's friend had been impressed enough to give me an enourmous tip and his business card, by the way. So It had been a nice night until then.

.

It was two a.m. and I was standing on a cemetary watching the flames dancing in a freshly dug grave. I sighed at the thought that I'd still have to repair the damage I'done to the guy's grave. Plus there was his last will that I'd kind of promised his ghost to fulfill. Besides, I had promised Tom another performance since I hadn't known this job would go so quick. So no hopping in my car and leaving this godforsaken town tonight. To make things worse I'd checked out of my motel room this morning because I figured I'd get not much time tonight to use it. So no hot shower tomorrow either.

There was no use running when I heard the familiar rumble of a chevy impala in front of the gates. I mean, their car was probably parked directly behind mine and they weren't stupid enough to let me escape. Probably one of them would stay in the car anyway. So I just waited.

.

"I knew I should have brought marshmallows", I said when I heard steps behind me.

.

A deep chuckle answered me.

"I see you haven't changed a bit, Enna", said Dean.

.

I didn't answer to that.

.

"Let's close this here and get going",

Dean said after watching the burning remains of Mister Malcom Riley for a while.

He was right, the fire was almost dying and there were only ashes left.

Dean grabbed the shovel and started filling the grave.

"There're some things we have to talk about."

I nodded, although I'd have liked to prolong this as long as possible. But probably this was necessary. We would meet again, we were bound to in this job.

"Thanks for the shoveling", I said as we walked back.

Dean didn't answer. He seemed to be thinking about something. When we reached the cars he looked at me.

"Even if this feels like a deja vu - follow us with your car. I presume you planned to sleep in your car again tonight?"

I shrugged.

There was an almost invisible smile on Dean's face before he looked away.

"We've got a motel room with a couch."

I stayed silent. This felt super awkward. Slowly I went to my car and put shovel, empty salt bag and gas can into the trunk. When I started the engine, the door on the passenger side was opened and Dean jumped in.

"I'm the one riding with you this time."

.

The silence during the ride was nearly unbearable. Dean seemed to be deeply lost in thoughts but I knew in real he was watching me carefully. So it made me feel completely selfconscious.

Just after leaving the town, the impala turned into the parking lot of a motel.

"Take the parking lot next to us", Dean said. I did as he asked.

There was a lump forming in my throat. I wasn't exactly sure what they thought I had done to them but whatever it was, I had felt like shit for leaving them the way I had, so it couldn't be good.

.

Sam got out and he too gave me a very strange look.

But probably it was just a reaction to my face. I mean, I felt guilty like hell, and I probably looked it too, so it wasn't a big surprise he might have caught on on this.

"Come."

Dean said softly and grabbed my arm in a disturbingly gentle way. Oh no. This couldn't be good. What if they just wanted to take some twisted kind of revenge on me?

.

"Sit." I sat down on the bed I assumed was Sam's since it looked a bit more used. Both boys took their seats on the other bed opposite me. It really was like a deja vu.

.

"And now tell us again why you ran", Dean said gravely.

_._

_I so couldn't do this._ With Dean looking at me, waiting for me to tell him that I'd almost had sex with his brother and not only enjoyed it but also felt enough love for him for that cleansing ritual to work.

Desperate, I looked at Sam.

"Didn't you tell him what happened?" I whispered because my voice just wouldn't work.

There was a slight smirk on Sam's face when he answered.

"I told him _exactly_ what happened."

"Obviously you didn't, else he wouldn't be asking this question."

.

"Hey, I'm right here", Dean complained with a smirk identical to Sam's.

"We did some research and we think we found out what you did to make this work. But we're still not absolutely sure. So that's why we're here."

.

At this I relaxed a bit. So he was just interested in this as a hunter. I could do that, explain what I knew to him, no feelings involved.

.

"The morning before I left" I struggled against the lump in my throat, "That morning I realized the evil thing inside my mind had disappeared. Completely gone. With no traces left."

Dean studied me with raised eyebrows. I concentrated on the dirty yellow wallpaper behind him.

"And I could come up with only one reason for this. What we'd done that night before..."

I knew my face was burning bright red now and I quickly looked down. Hopefully my hair would cover a bit of it.

"Anyway, there were some strong feelings between us. Feelings that are often used in cleansing rituals as well. So if they were powerful enough to rid me of this demon taint, they might be able to do the same for Sam, I thought."

.

"But why didn't it work before?" Dean interrupted. "You certainly weren't the first girl Sammy made out with."

.

I couldn't hide a grin at this. "Maybe not. But maybe the first one he actually wanted to fuck and kill him."

.

Dean stared at Sam gravely.

"Nice to know you kept this little detail to yourself."

Now it was Sam who looked sheepish.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to do it, Dean." He murmured. "And I knew she'd be able to disappear without a trace afterwards."

.

"Obviously she wasn't." Dean was still angry. "She didn't even cover her tracks."

.

"I didn't really bother to." I defended myself.

Dean gave me a surprised look.

"Well... I didn't think it was necessary." I explained. "There's not really anybody looking for me anymore."

Dean nodded understandingly.

"Point taken. Back to the subject - feelings, you said?"

I nodded and hoped he wouldn't ask what I knew he'd be asking next. But of course he did.

"What kind of feelings?"

I took a long breath.

"Love", I admitted, angry that this made me feel so mortified.

So I felt love for both of them. What was the problem? Was this illegal or what? They should be glad for it. I mean, otherwise I would never have been able to save Sam. I shot a look at Sam. There were a mixture of emotions on his face that I couldn't really read. I just hoped none of them were regret or pity.

.

Dean didn't say anything. He just studied my face with this strange blank face he used to put on when he was dealing with very strong feelings inside himself.

.

"But with Sam I knew this wouldn't be enough", I continued to distract both of them. "He had these powerful guards that wouldn't let anyone in, not even the strongest kind of love. He only let them down because he wanted me to kill him. So I knew I didn't have much choice and I needed a very strong distraction. Something to keep his mind occupied while I went behind his barriers. And sex did the trick."

.

"But Sam said you didn't really..." Dean objected.

I really wished I had a darker complexion. Blushing all the time probably made me look like a tomato right now.

"Depends on what you're counting as sex." I said and shot a look at Sam who was intensely studying the floor.

"Can't we stop with this, Dean?" I begged. "Talking about this is pretty embarrassing, don't you see?"

Dean flashed me one of his 1000-voltage smiles.

"Maybe I just want to find out how much I've lost you to my brother, babe", he said with false lightness.

Despite my embarrassment, the word "babe" made me roll my eyes.

"You haven't", I reasoned. "I left, remember?"

"Yeah, about that." Sam looked up. "Don't do that again."

.

"So who do you love more, me or Sam?" Dean asked keeping his face carefully blank.

.

I looked between them helplessly.

"I can't really say that. But I know I wouldn't have cheated on you if there had been any other way to do it."

Dean smiled at me. "You didn't cheat on me, Enna. Never."

Then he got up.

"But don't think you're off the hook that lightly, babe. I'll go and get some food for us. Meanwhile, Sam has something to discuss with you."

I nodded resigningly, knowing that they had probably driven all night without stopping for dinner.

As soon as Dean had closed the door behind him, I got up. Carefully avoiding Sam's eyes I went to my bag and dug for a change of clothes. Maybe I could hop into the shower before Dean came back.

.

"So, what did you want to talk about?", I asked as casually as I could.

.

"You know", Sam's voice suddenly sounded from behind me, "I still haven't thanked you properly for doing what you did."

I jumped up and whirled around - and stood face to face to Sam.

"But you have", I objected, taking a step backwards. "Thanked me, I mean. Anyway, I think I get the message."

.

Sam shook his head and smiled at me. "You have no idea what you've done, Enna", he said. Then he made a step towards me. And before I could realize what he was about to do, his lips crushed down on mine.

.

* * *

**So, what do you think? Why is Sam doing this? And, more important: Does Dean know what Sam is doing? ;)**


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